


Understanding Your Love

by willow (aichironitori)



Category: Free!
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, DFAB Nitori Aiichirou, Depression, M/M, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, Smut, Trans Character, Trans Nitori Aiichirou
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 11:53:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4059016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aichironitori/pseuds/willow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aiichirou was a hard-working college student. Rin was following his dream of swimming professionally and shooting for the Olympics. When the two meet up at a small reunion, sparks fly and love is shared. But Rin can't stay for long, and Ai has to deal with the circumstances after that night on his own. Rin will later discover how much things changed over the course of his absence, and what sacrifices Aiichirou had to make along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea that came to me very randomly, but I liked the concept a lot. I pretty much figured no one would ever write this if I don't do so myself. So here it is, enjoy!

It was to be a fun get together with the boys of the Iwatobi and Samezuka swim clubs. Ai was excited for the small reunion with the friends he had come to love and care for. He was ecstatic to see everyone during the short winter break, especially one boy in particular, who he has not seen since his departure to Australia over a year ago. Rin Matsuoka was still on Ai’s mind pretty often. It’s really hard to forget someone so charismatic and amazing; someone he looked up to for so long. Of course, Ai wanted to see everyone else as well. 

He had become good friends with Makoto and Haru at the University, but he had not seen them in nearly two months because of semester finals ruining everyone’s schedule. Makoto was especially kind to him, going out of his way to cheer him up. He was good at dealing with him and helping him cope with some mental issues Ai could not get over. Then there was Nagisa, who would not leave him alone. Ai secretly appreciated his persistence. It made him feel less lonely and well….different. Momo was still the energetic boy obsessed with bugs and especially obsessed with showing Ai his favorites of his collection. It was overwhelming with the two small-ish boys being the most energetic of the whole group of friends. But they were also the ones who would most willingly make Ai hang out with them. Where they store all that excitement, Ai would never figure out. Then there was Sousuke, who had been pretty distant for the past year or so. Finally, beauty obsessed Rei, who was still pushed around by Nagisa. It’s no secret that Rei has made Ai blush a couple of times when he’d accidentally let out some comment regarding Ai’s “outstanding beauty”. And of course Nagisa was there to quickly encourage it.

Ai was getting a bit anxious, but overall excited about the party ahead, as Nagisa had called it. He had to admit, this was the best time to do something like this. He didn't feel overwhelmed with studying for finals anymore and he has taken to his regular habits of relaxation and coping. His small charms for luck have been working for him more than ever, and he was feeling a bit more confident for the first time in a while. It was going to be a good night, he thought. There’ll be good food, good music hopefully, and - best of all - Rin will be there. 

Rin was off doing his thing, aiming for his dream of becoming an Olympic swimmer. This is why he went all the way south to Australia to train with the best. Ai had heard he was doing well too; he was definitely getting up there in fame as a “rookie”. Throw in the word “hot” and “built”, maybe even “delicious” with a picture of Rin in his swim trunks and there’s the next cover for the most popular gossip magazine. 

Ai’s phone rang at his desk in his small apartment as he was looking for what shirt to wear. He’d also grown more confident in his upper body after working out and taking all the hormones, especially after his top surgery in early high school. Before the fourth ring Ai picked up his phone and answered.

“Ai-chan!” Nagisa nearly screamed on the other end. “Ai, Ai, are you getting ready? Do you wanna meet up at the station?”

“Ehh, Nagisa-kun, yes that sounds okay with me. Are we riding with anyone else?”

“Well Haru-chan and Mako-chan are going together obviously but I’m sure they’re already on their way, and Rei-chan is at some meeting or something, so he’s going on his own.”

“Right, right. Momo-kun and Sei-senpai are together at their parents house, so they should be going together although Momo hasn’t said anything about being on their way. I’m sure Sei is driving them there.” Ai replied.

“Ne, and what about Sou-chan?” Nagisa asked.

“I have no idea. I’ll text him, and hopefully he’ll reply! Although I, uh, kind of doubt it. He’ll be there though for sure, since this is the first visit from Rin-senpai in a long time.”

“OOOOOH RIN! You must be so excited, right Ai-chan?!” Nagisa nearly interrupted. 

“Eh, well, I can’t say I’m not looking forward to it. I hope I get the chance to even talk to him. I don’t know how much longer he’ll be here. He might not have the time to catch up with me,” Ai sighed. 

“Ai,” Nagisa sounded somewhat sympathetic, “Rin will be happy to see you either way. Anyway keep getting ready! I’ll meet you down there in 30 minutes!”

Naisa quickly hung up and Ai was left in silence. Just speaking about Rin made him worried. He shouldn’t have his life revolved around this boy all the time but the feeling never stops. It’s hard to let go when Ai had a thing for not giving up, even if it killed him. He tried his best to stop thinking too much and got up to finish getting ready.

 

Ai stepped into the building with Nagisa. The place looked like a cheap club, but it was pretty well known and loved by the locals and even some tourists. It was the best choice for their budget, really. The music wasn’t blaring as high as usual, not that Ai frequented this place. It was just one of those places that could get very loud on a good night. But tonight was more of a social event. The first thing Ai did was scope the place for a certain redhead who radiated charisma. He began to feel desperate, and that made him feel ashamed as well. Who is he to get his hopes up.

Nagisa led Ai over to Makoto’s table and they said their hellos together. Rei and Haru were sitting there too, chatting along. 

“You look very nice tonight, Ai” Makoto complimented. 

“Oh, th-thank you, Makoto-san” Ai said shyly. “You all look like you’re ready to have a fun time” he returned. A few smiles were given to Ai and he was beginning to feel more comfortable. “Is Sousuke here yet?”

“We're not sure, actually. Makoto texted him a few minutes ago but he hasn’t answered” Rei replied. 

A few minutes of chatting later, Ai excused himself to the bathroom. The party so far seemed pretty quiet so far and there were no signs of Rin, Sousuke, or even the Mikoshiba brothers. On the way out of the restroom, he saw the man he had asked about earlier.

“Sousuke!” Ai beamed. He did make it, although it seems he was alone. 

“Ai,” he said with his normal blank expression.

“We’re all sitting at the corner booth if you want to come join us."

“No, I’ll go in a bit. I’m waiting for Rin right now.” Well, it was clear that Rin was his only reason to be there. It confused Ai, somewhat, since he had seemed to have gotten along fine with the Iwatobi group before Rin left, and even some time after that. It seemed that Rin’s absence since he left to Australia made Sousuke care less about the group as a whole, likely meaning Rin was the one keeping him with his friends. Still he was always quiet but his presence was the biggest out of everyone. During his free time, Ai would try to initiate a conversation. Sousuke was really friendly whenever he’d agree to meet up with Ai for some coffee or something, but it was difficult to get him to initiate something afterwards. Ai constantly begins to think that maybe Sousuke just doesn’t want to deal with him, and that without Rin being around, that he was just a burden. Either way, Sousuke was just hard to figure out. 

“Okay then, I guess I’ll just be with the group for a bit. Come over whenever you’d like.” Ai replied and Sousuke gave him that warm smile he knew from the first time they met. It assured Ai, somewhat. It was a kind gesture and it honestly made Ai’s heart skip a beat. He’s not going to deny that there was also a small crush on Sousuke he had within that short year they were teammates. 

Ai went back to the table with the Iwatobi boys, but some time later was dispersed once more Samezuka boys came into the club. One being an overly-energetic ginger-looking kid who dragged him to the bar for some juice. For some time, Ai forgot about Rin and his anxiousness to see him over the overwhelming obligation to socialize. He didn’t hate it though. He was captain to a lot of the Samezuka graduates there, so he got along fine with everyone - at least he hoped. Being captain was a good experience, and Ai would always be thankful to Rin for giving him that opportunity. There’s the thought of Rin again, not surprisingly. He did another scope of the place, and again did not see him. He couldn’t see Sousuke either, so Ai didn’t know what to think. For some time, he was left alone drinking his sweet juice, since he wasn’t of age for an alcoholic beverage. Even if he was of legal age, he probably wouldn’t want to drink while on medication.

Ai sat in silence as he began to think of random things, such as his schedule for the next week and the teachers he needed to email for the next semester. For that moment, not once did his mind turn back to…

There was a small tap of Ai’s shoulder, and he didn’t process it right away. But when Ai did turn around, there was the man he’d thought about for hours before the gathering. Rin stood over where Ai was seated, giving a small smile downwards, looking him straight in the eyes. Ai couldn’t help but show that radiant smile of his and throw his body towards Rin to lock in a tight embrace. Rin immediately hugged back and chuckled softly. Ai suddenly realized how childish that action was and quickly pulled away, trying to play it off with a shy smile. Rin just lightened up again and finally spoke a small “Hey”.

It was barely audible, but Ai didn’t need to hear to answer. He spoke back. “Rin-senpai!” he didn’t even know where to start. “How have you been? Did you just get here?” He wanted to ask a million other questions but stopped himself before he rattled on and on like he used to. 

“I’m fine. And well I got here about ten minutes ago and spoke to Sou for a bit but then I saw you sitting here by yourself,” Rin answered. So Ai was one of the first people Rin has talked to that night? Ai felt more than happy about that. “And what about yourself? How’s Nitori-sensei been?” Rin asked after receiving a small smile from Ai.

“Rin-senpai, I’m not a teacher yet! But I have had some training over the past semester as part of the requirements. It’s been pretty fun! And I’m much better with kids than I thought I was in the beginning!”

“That’s good to hear. And ‘Nitori-sensei’ has a nice ring to it, in my opinion,” Rin smirked at him, causing Ai to blush from both his expression and words. “By the way you really don’t have to call me ‘senpai’ anymore. I’ve told you before; just ‘Rin’, okay?”

Ai felt suddenly so in love with this man and the idea of this man. He was so happy to be talking to Rin. He could barely wrap his mind around the concept of Rin taking his time to talk to Ai, not seeming to rush anything. 

“I should go say hi to the rest of the kids here. I’ll be back and we can talk some more,” Rin gave him another smile as Ai nodded. Ai didn’t expect Rin to just quickly greet everyone and immediately return to his side. He expected to be waiting an hour or just be left there for the rest of the night at the bar. Rin just kept making his night feel better and better. 

“By the way, you’re lookin’ really good. Transition’s been treating you nice,” Rin smiled and lifted an eyebrow in a flirty way.

Ai couldn’t help but immediately get all red in the face. “Oh stop it R-Rin. Looks aren’t all I’m trying to get at.” Ai let out a small chuckle and Rin returned it with another smile. Still, Ai accepted the compliment. He’d grown more confident in his looks, even when he looked pretty much as he did back in high school, except a little more built. A little more manly, he would say. “And you, you look as amazing as ever senp- I mean Rin!” His excitement almost let “senpai” slip out of his mouth. 

They continued their small talk before they decided to join the Iwatobi boys along with Sousuke, who wouldn’t stop giving his mysterious glare, and Momo, who was bouncing around the table trying to get a taste of all the food laid out. Rin and Sousuke began their usual chattering. Some laughs finally coming out of Sousuke. Even Momo was making Sousuke laugh with his wackiness. Haru and Makoto were being the sweethearts they always proved to be. Nagisa has way too much food on his plate, and there was Rei trying to make him stop taking even more portions. Ai felt at ease in this place he previously felt he would surely be overwhelmed. He felt good enough to stand up and converse with old teammates he hadn’t talked to yet. Still, his mind went to Rin once in a while. He noticed Rin was now standing with Sei, laughing and getting a hard slap to the back. 

Momo went over to Ai after some time, talking about his vacation so far and all the cute girls he’s gotten to see. Ai was glad to see this kid having so much fun and enjoying his time as a college student. They talked for about an hour until Rin approached the boys and sat down next to Ai to listen to Momo’s rambling. It was when Rin tried to tell one of his own stories that Momo almost discreetly left the table to let Rin and Ai chat on their own. 

“How is the party treating you?” Rin begins.

“It’s very fun! Definitely so much better with you here…” Ai almost mumbled at the very end. He felt some regret over those words. If Rin heard that, he may think he’s just the weird kouhai worshipping him again. At least that’s kind of how Ai saw himself after Rin left for Australia. Just an annoyance. It’s possible he didn’t hear him though. He couldn’t tell from Rin’s silence.

Rin had paused for a moment, staring into the light blue eyes in front of him, glowing with so much passion and love. Except right now they looked a little uncertain. Ai felt himself tremble at Rin’s closeness. His lip slightly quivering as if he had said something to completely mess up his night. 

Closing the distance, Rin pressed his lips against Ai’s slightly chapped ones. Ai couldn’t really process it until he heard the smack of the lips pulling away from him. 

Did Rin really just kiss him? Were those Rin’s lips on his just now? He felt the heat in his whole body, almost causing a sweat. His face must have looked a mess with the blush that set in and quivering of his lower lip. It felt as if he would never be able to get rid of the redness, his face will just stay like a tomato for the rest of his life. 

“Sorry Ai, was that not okay?” Rin looked genuinely worried about his action just now.

“No! No!! Er, yes it was okay! Super okay, more than okay!” Ai was starting to think he was acting like a complete fool. But Rin only chuckled lightly at Ai’s reaction. “Actually, I was more worried about someone seeing that, um, what you just did...”

“Heh, don’t mind that. Come on,” Rin said as stood up, “dance with me or something.” He extended a hand. Ai’s first instinct was to reach out and take it. He decided he would let the night happen as it will so long as Rin was there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Ai are lovin' the night and getting some night time lovin' ~

Aiichirou felt so blessed this night; an expression he himself would never really use. But it was wonderful.

His mind was so focused on Rin that it was almost as if he’d gone to another world. A world he’d like to stay in and be a part of. It was this new, natural high feeling he had as the party heated up and the music was blaring compared to before. Maybe someone drugged him and this was just some weird delusion Ai was having (okay, that was really not likely). But Ai decided he was going to enjoy this, and nothing will change his mind about the night. 

Another small juice was in Ai’s hand as he sat with Rin once again, talking about the life of a professional swimmer. Of course, it’s barely been almost two years since Rin graduated high school and moved, but Ai could tell that Rin was in a happy place in life. It wasn’t like those middle school years where Rin was a brooding young adolescent who could not figure out his internalized feelings. Rin knew where he was and who he trusted. Ai only wished he could be something more in Rin’s life. Even after the small kiss they shared, Ai felt somewhat insignificant in the universe of Rin Matsuoka. But even so, Ai loved at least speaking to him and spending time with him, if only for this one night. 

Another pause of looking into each other’s eyes before Rin leaned forward again and pecked Ai’ lips and whispered “I’m glad we can spend our time here together”. What words, what magic. Does he have any idea what those simple words can do to Ai’s whole world?!

Ai just had to take the lead this time and kiss the lips of this gorgeous boy in front of him. “Thank you for everything, Rin”, he spoke as he pulled away and looked down in embarrassment. 

“Rin-Rin, Ai-Chan, get a room!” 

Nagisa exclaimed and began jumping in place a couple yards away. Ai’s face reddened before he shot back, “Nagisa, not now!”

Nagisa started howling in laughter as he used Rei for support. Even Sousuke, who was standing right next to them couldn’t hold it in as he covered his mouth with his large hand. “Ai-chan is so cute!” Nagisa shouted.

“Nagisa, stop harassing this kid,” Rin chided. He wrapped an arm around Ai and held him close as if protecting him from harm. Nagisa couldn’t help but let out another laugh, Makoto joining in with a chuckle as he and Haru approached the group. 

The night was approaching its close but there was still time before the party ended. Still, at one point in the groups humorous conversations, Rin pulled Ai aside and hesitantly spoke. “So, Ai,” Rin began as he brought up his hand to rub the back of his neck. Ai was listening intently. Rin started glancing away from the boy’s eyes. “I was wondering if you wan’na leave the party a little early with me?”

No way was Ai going to refuse that.

“Sure, Rin. Do you want to go someplace?”

“I was thinking you could come back with me to my place. Well, the place I’m staying at for the time being,” Rin answered more confidently. Ai looked at him in wonder for a moment and quickly agreed. He knew he would follow Rin wherever he went. He told himself that back in high school. He would never go back on that when given the opportunity. 

They picked up their coats - Ai trying to leave discreetly in case Nagisa saw them and shouted another one of his inappropriate comments - and walked outside. Once under the night sky, they felt the chill of the cold winter air. They continued their walking and chatted some more, not nearly finished catching up. Ai knew he could talk forever and find a new topic. Rin knew he could at least listen when he wouldn’t contribute. They hadn’t changed much after all. 

Rin shyly took his hand out of his coat pocket and interlaced his fingers with Ai’s, giving a gentle squeeze to the cold hand in his. That stopped Ai’s chattering only for a few seconds. Then he gave a bashful smile and continued his story, meanwhile giving Rin’s hand a squeeze back.

They arrived at a fairly nice looking hotel that looked a bit pricey once they were inside. Going through the lobby and up the elevator, Rin didn’t let go of Ai’s hand. Of course they were getting a few glances from the people on their way to Rin’s room. Ai’s mind just had to trail off to something dirty as he saw people noticing their joined hands and Rin’s rather eager pace. Ai quickly tried to push it out of his mind as he waited for Rin to open the door to his room.

“This is where I’ve been staying for the past day or so. I figured I would rather stay a couple nights here than keep going back to my mom’s house every night”. Rin began to mumble right after, “I already spent the past week with her and then says she’s afraid of me staying at a hotel here a couple of nights? I’ve been in Australia for the past two years on my own!” He raised his voice some on that last sentence.

Ai could still hear everything loud and clear, and he couldn’t help but lightly laugh at Rin’s silly mumbling. God, he is so cute doing that. 

The hotel was pretty simple and had one small bedroom with a full size bed, along with a small kitchen just to the left of the entrance with the dining table and living room couches to the right. It was nicely decorated and just overall relaxing.

“Want anything to drink?” Rin invited as he took his and Ai’s jacket.

“Sure, a water’s fine,” Ai answered as politely as always.

“You did have a lot of juice tonight,” Rin teased. “Still liking all those sugary drinks?”

“I just like sweet things. But really, I did have a little more than usual tonight. Good thing too much sugar doesn’t make me hyper.” Rin led them to the couch to sit down and relax as they continued to talk.

“Makes me wonder what you were like as a kid. Never caused your parents a ruckus like that I assume.”

“No, not really. I tried to stay quiet most of the time.” Ai gave a little sigh before he continued, “They weren’t too happy about my coming out though, if that counts as causing a ruckus.”

“When did you come out?” Rin was curious.

“Mmh, my second year of middle school. I was only thirteen and was so sick of trying my best to hide my binders and stuff from them, and just hiding my gender in general.” Ai felt a little nervous about going too far into the subject, but he continued. “Not that my breasts were all that b-big, but sports bras didn’t feel like enough. They were certainly more comfortable at least. Binders were expensive too!”

“Hmm.” Rin hummed. “So how did they agree to the surgery?” Rin didn’t want to pry into this too much, but he never really got to ask about it during their time together at Samezuka. He knew he’d have to leave again very soon, so he really wanted to bond with Ai at least this once. 

“Well, that was hard. They were always distant to begin with. But that was the moment they decided they were going to pay extra attention to me, and not exactly in a positive way. So I tried going into how I needed to present myself as I want and how there was this all boys school I dreamed of getting into. So we made a deal, and they agreed on my top surgery when I was sixteen if I could later afford the uh, other surgery after I become independent and hopefully financially stable. They’d finally let me chop off all my hair too.” Ai made a hand motion on his mid back, “It was down to here! I didn’t like it but my mom didn’t want me to cut it off. Then when I did, she told the stylist to give me a silly bowlcut like some revenge for getting rid of her precious hair.” He paused and pursed his lips. “But for some reason, it stuck to me. I really like it now, so I keep it this way. It... also makes me think of my parents. I think they supported me from the very beginning but were afraid of the life and horrors that could come for a transgender boy.” That was when Ai began to pick at his lips subconsciously. He waited for a response from Rin.

“I’m glad you’re living more comfortably with yourself now.” Ai felt a smile creep up again as he listened. Rin gently lifted Ai’s head with his thumb and finger in order to look into the boy’s eyes. It was if he was studying them, reading their emotions and passion. Ai was looking straight into Rin’s eyes as well, watching the glimmer and radiance that made Rin stand out from other people. “Ai, you’re really one of the bravest people I’ve ever met.” He spoke and leaned forward, tilting his head to kiss Ai’s cheek. 

“Rin-se- ahh,” Ai was interrupted by a kiss to his lips. 

“What was that you were going to say? You weren’t gon’na call me me ‘senpai’ again were you?” Rin teased.

“I-I wasn’t. Not on purpose, at least, Rin.”

Rin gave him yet another kiss to the lips. “Say my name again.”

“Rin?” He quickly obeyed. Ai was starting to feel the heat in his lower stomach as Rin kissed him on the corner of his lips, this time making a smacking sound.

“Ai…” Rin started to kiss on Ai’s jaw, making each touch of his lips last a split second longer and arousing Ai much further. 

Ai bit his lip and closed his eyes as Rin began on his neck. “Rin…” Ai exhaled the name. Was this really happening?

Rin stopped as another breathy moan of his name came out of Ai, making him feel like he was going to burst. He leaned back to look into the blue eyes that looked as if in a trance. Rin felt the same way about himself at the moment. He was feeling so many things at once it was like a trip. 

“Rin…” Another call of his name to get him more stirred up. Ai was loving this and he didn’t want to stop there. It was his turn to lean forward and capture Rin’s lips. He couldn’t believe the sensation and the deepening of the kiss every passing second. Rin wrapped an arm around Ai’s waist as he tried pressing their bodies closer together. He rested his hand on the curve of his back that leads to his cute ass as he continued to make a mess out of their faces and sucking on each other’s lips. Rin finally used his tongue to lick along Ai’s bottom lip waiting for Ai to open his mouth for him. Ai didn’t hesitate as their tongues touched and created strong simulation. The heat would not go away but instead build up as Rin started to gently stroke the curve of Ai’s bottom. Ai opened his mouth further and let out a small moan. Rin used this opportunity to pause for breath and he watched Ai’s flustered face.

“Is it okay to keep going?” Rin bit his lip.

“Mnh... yes, Rin. Please…” With that shaky reply, Rin stood up and pulled Ai along to the hotel bedroom and gently set him on the bed. Rin began taking off his buttoned-up shirt so slowly it was almost painful to watch. Though it was as if Ai was getting a strip show from this gorgeous swimmer boy and he cherished every second of it. Once it was off, Rin slipped off his shoes and climbed on the bed over Ai who was laying under him. Rin licked his lips before he started kissing along Ai’s jaw and down his neck. He nipped at his collar before he pulled up Ai’s shirt and took it off over his head, leaving that cute silvery hair all ruffled and messy. Rin proceeded to kiss down his chest ever so slowly but passionately. Ai lightly moaned but got louder as Rin gently licked over his nipple. This was so new; he didn’t think the sensation would affect him so much.

Rin kept trailing kisses down Ai’s toned stomach while reaching upwards and still playing with the sensitive pink nipples. The beautiful pale body beneath him shuddered as Rin nudged over Ai’s clothed crotch, spreading his thighs and inhaling the scent of arousal. Ai was craving more of the touch as he rocked his hips upwards towards Rin’s mouth.

“Ahh,” he breathed out.

Rin quickly got the message and unzipped Ai’s pants, throwing them off the bed along with his briefs as he tenderly kissed him everywhere he could. Their sweet lips parted with a thin string of saliva still hooked between them. Rin sensually licked his lips and kept eye contact as he went back down, positioning his head between Ai’s delicious looking thighs. He rubbed small circles into the boy's hips and he breathed onto the wet muscle. Rin pressed two fingers against the opening while using his thumb to rub the clitoris. Ai squeaked at the first touch, Rin not ceasing his light caress and ministrations. Rin stopped and licked his fingers, wet with the slick, as he looked upwards towards Ai’s lustful expression. He looked back at the twitching entrance in front of him.

“Mmm, looks like someone’s eager,” Rin smirked. “Good thing I’m hungry…” He dragged his tongue over the lips of Ai’s pussy and flicked at the clit. 

“Ah... Rin!” Ai was lost to the pleasure as Rin kept lapping at his vagina. He had him panting and gasping as the tongue penetrated his entrance over and over. Ai couldn’t believe this moment. Rin was going down on him so roughly yet tenderly at the same time it was as if he was in the clouds. Ai felt his climax building up and moaned even louder, not wanting to turn it into a scream. But oh, he was so close. He couldn’t help but grind his hips and fuck himself with the tongue in his pussy. Meanwhile Rin lifted his arm to play with Ai’s clit, further adding to the pleasure.

Ai arched his back off the bed and and gave a loud moan as his legs shook from the sensation of his orgasm. “Rin!” He moaned again as he was starting to relax from the ecstasy. Rin got on his knees between Ai’s open legs and stared at Ai’s glowing expression as he licked his still dripping lips. That must be a habit of Rin’s but god does it turn Ai on. Rin undid his belt and pants, pulled them down slightly and palmed at his erection through his briefs while gazing at Ai’s naked body.

“Ai…” Rin began to moan as he reached inside his underwear to get more feeling. Ai’s mouth hung open as he stared at Rin touching himself. He reached forward and hooked his fingers on the hem of Rin’s tight briefs and pulled them down to finally release Rin’s painful erection. 

“Mm, look Ai. My cock is so hard... so wet for you.” Rin hummed as he continued to stroke himself. Ai was so ready to just push him down and shove it in his mouth, but Rin had another plan as he sunk lower and pushed the head against Ai’s entrance. He didn’t go in but instead rubbed his erection against Ai’s labia and they both panted roughly. 

Rin stopped and made sure to find his bottle of lube and prepare Ai starting with one finger until he could fit three inside. Ai just laying there and accepting Rin but feeling somewhat bad for taking all the pleasure. Ai felt the cold when Rin stood up to search through a piece of luggage he had near the closet. 

“Shit. Don’t have any condoms with me.” Rin cursed.

“Rin… Um, i-it’s okay. I’m on the pill right now.” Ai swallowed. Rin returned to the bed with an unsure expression. 

“Ai, is that really okay? I mean, I’m okay with it but-”

“It’s okay, Rin. Hurry and come here.” Ai lifted his arms up waiting for Rin to embrace him. He just looked too cute to resist and Rin immediately held him, kissing him passionately and lightly moaning Ai’s name into his soft lips. He poured lube over his cock, positioned himself outside of Ai’s vagina, and brought up those slim legs over his own hips. 

Rin pushed himself in carefully, meanwhile Ai was trying his hardest to hold back a scream. Rin wanted to come right then but he also wanted this to last. He pulled back some and thrust in slowly trying to get Ai used to it before he sped up. Ai whimpered so sweetly and tried moving his hips along with Rin’s when said boy brought his hand down from Ai’s hip to rub his clit. 

“Mmm… Ahh, Ai.... You grind your hips on me when I rub your clit,” Rin panted, “It’s so hot.”

Ai clenched his slick hole at the words and whimpered once again as Rin sped up some. He didn’t want to climax so fast but Rin was skilled and knew just how to pleasure him. He couldn’t stop grinding his hips on Rin’s cock; the idea of him fucking himself on Rin just made the heat rise in the pit of his stomach as he tried to hold back another scream. He tried to keep focus on Rin’s moans along with the hard dick inside of him, but lost it when his legs began to shake slightly. 

“Rin! Ahh! I’m so close, I’m gon’na-!”

“Mnn. Ai… Ai… Me too,” Rin thrusted at a greater pace, still rubbing at Ai’s clit.

Ai couldn’t hold it back this time as he screamed from Rin’s final thrust when they climaxed together. Rin tried pulling out on time and stroked his member, cum continued to pour out of the fat cock and onto Ai’s mound.

Ai panted, trying to control his breath as he came down from the high of his orgasm. He pulled Rin down and kissed at whatever place his lips could hit first: the jaw, the cheek, anywhere. Rin faced forward tasting Ai’s lips on his as they were both trying to catch their breaths. 

“Ai… you were amazing,” Rin let his body fall next to Ai’s. The cute boy was so red and high from the sensation he couldn’t immediately respond. Rin just stared at Ai’s adorable expression and brought up a hand to cup his cheek. “Would it be weird to say that I regret not doing this before I left? That I regret not having you back then.”

A small “Mn” was the only sound that came out of Ai’s mouth. Rin chuckled. He had no idea if that was a yes or a no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I was in a hurry to start the next chapter. I don't know, the feeling of kudos and kind comments motivated me!  
> Also, I realized that I should've practiced writing some smaller things before I started this story! I don't know, I'm just impatient. Anyway, I'd love some tips and criticism!  
> I changed the rating to explicit because of this chapter but I'm not sure what difference it makes? I'm still unsure about the rating system but I hope changing it makes sense. If anyone would like to briefly explain it to me that'd be great!~~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have really changed for Ai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time-skip

“Let’s see… baby carrots, bottle of water, small sandwich… I’ll add some cookies for her to eat after her meal.”

Ai spoke to himself as he packed some food in small lunchbox. He was feeling kind of guilty for oversleeping that morning and not having time to make a bento. But a quick sandwich with some snacks is always delicious. And for himself, a trip to the convenience store a block away from the school wouldn’t hurt. It was on the way to his job anyway. He hurried to finish packing the food in the cute little purple lunch pail and made sure to include a juice box. A small kiss was placed on a cute note he wrote for the little girl, something he enjoyed doing for good luck.

“Ayaka! Are you done?” 

“I’m coming!” A small squeaky voice called out as a petite girl ran towards the front door, attempting to open it with a tiny hand. 

“Ayaka, sweetie, here let me,” Ai called out as he grabbed the girl’s bag and lunch box. “Wait Ayaka your jacket! It’s going to be kind’a chilly, go get it!”

Quick little footsteps were taken towards the bedroom and Ayaka came back with a pastel blue jacket. Ai made sure to help her put it on and proceeded to open the door. There was light wind blowing on that beautiful fall morning as Ai walked his daughter to her preschool and day-care. 

“Daddy! You wa’n know what Suna-san said to me in school?” Ayaka cheerfully squeezed Ai’s hand and began to tell another wild tale. She was spouting some child nonsense, although for Ai it was the most wonderful thing to hear. His daughter was shy, but when she talks, boy does she talk. And Ai is content being her favorite conversation partner. She knew how to say a lot, especially for her age. Her small stutters echoed as her loud voice resonated through the neighborhood. Her expressive explanations left Ai chuckling several times as she was now loudly contemplating why she prefers her pink pajamas over her green ones. It took them several more minutes for them to reach their destination, many parents dropping off their young ones to enjoy the day at school. Ai kneeled down on one knee and looked into his daughter’s eyes. 

“Ayaka, I’ll be here to pick you up later. Wait for me like always, ‘kay?”

“Mn.”

“Good girl,” Ai said lowly and kissed her cheek. As always, she threw herself at him and wrapped her chubby arms around Ai’s neck. He squeezed back and rubbed her back some. He knew school wasn’t necessarily her favorite place. She never had much trouble there; in fact her teachers will pull Ai aside and praise her all the time. But she’d much rather be with her dad throughout the day. It’s hard, Ai knows, how they’re living with Ai’s schedule and Ayaka staying later than most of the kids at the daycare. But for the time being, nothing can be done about it. Who knows when this can change. 

“Okay, Ayaka. You need to go inside now. Be good, and have fun!” Ai gave a radiating smile and Ayaka kissed him on the cheek before she ran inside. “Ayaka! Don’t run so fast, you’ll trip!” Ai yelled out to a little girl who forgot his existence that one moment, voice trailing off at the end as it landed on deaf ears. 

\--

After Rin’s departure to Australia for the second time after graduation, Ai tried to go back to his normal lifestyle. That didn’t last.

The love they shared, the heat of their bodies consumed with one another on a cold night, was something so amazing - almost surreal. Rin gave him so much to feel and so much to love. Ai returned it full heartedly; even when he knew that Rin would not be able to stay for long. Still, it was beyond magical. So, could Ai ever think of regretting it?

“Ai… You know, I’m not going to be able to stay much longer. It’s only another three days before my summer break is over back in Australia.” It was the very next morning after their night together that Rin told him about this. Rin picked up his hand and placed a kiss on the palm. Ai moved even closer to his one-time lover and further entangled their legs to share more warmth that cold winter morning. 

“Summer training needs to start early. I have to get back and settle in,” It almost sounded as if Rin was trying to make excuses to run away. Ai could only try holding on to himself and not feel so hurt by this thought as he hid his quickened heartbeat from Rin. 

Some more silence, before Rin spoke up again “My plane leaves tomorrow night. My family barely let me leave to come hang out with you and the rest of the group.” He placed another kiss at the top of Ai’s right hand and gave it a small squeeze with both hands. Their faces were only separated by a small distance and Ai’s delicate hand between them. “I want to spend time with you today.”

Those last words made Ai’s heart skip a beat before his eyes lit up. He played with Rin’s fingers as he quietly spoke.”What about the rest of the group?”

“Eh, they can have me tomorrow before I leave for my flight. Those kids have had tons of me throughout the years.” Rin smirked. He seemed to be acknowledging all the time he wasted in the past not getting to be with Ai. Of course, a big, lovely kiss crashed into Rin’s lips, and they spent their time in bed for a little longer than they had planned that morning. 

 

It was a couple weeks later, much after Rin’s departure, that Ai began to feel sick for no apparent reason. It felt like a pattern every single day and every single week. Nagisa and Makoto were especially on his case about seeing a doctor about it. Ai never liked the idea of doctors. Just the thought of a hospital or a clinic made his nerves spiral out of control. But his anxieties got the best of him and soon Makoto was driving him to see a professional. 

As peaceful as Ai had felt in those recent times, everything went chaotic in his mind when he found out what was happening to his body. 

He was expecting. 

Of course something so uncalled for would happen to him, out of anybody. He wasn’t going to lie to himself any longer. It was Rin’s. Ai didn’t get with anyone between the special night he shared with Rin and the moment he began to feel the symptoms. Such a timid and shy boy hardly got to be with anyone. Before that night, he had only done a few sexual acts with someone from the university. Rin was his first with a full sexual experience. Looking back on it, Ai felt so desperate for Rin’s touch, for Rin’s warmth, it was almost patheitic. He got carried away, even when he thought they had enough protection. But it wasn’t enough. It didn’t work as it was supposed to. Now these were the consequences for such carelessness. 

Makoto was the first to know. He agreed he would never tell anybody unless Ai approved it first. Of course, Makoto was the most trustworthy person on the planet. And Ai had no idea what he would tell the rest of his friends at the time, let alone his parents. The poor boy was just feeling the emotional turmoil every waking moment. As if his anxiety needed more reason to play with his mind.

He did consider the options. He knew what was available for him, no matter how frowned upon some conclusions were. Ai is the type to respect everyone’s decisions, but freak out about his own. It repeated in his mind all day, every day; what was he able to do? What could he afford?

In the end, it was obvious what Ai was going to go with.

Many months later, Ayaka was born. 

He really didn’t want to tell Rin. 

It was tricky with the rest of the boys. Obviously they would see Ai’s pregnant belly sooner or later. But Ai wasn’t really wanting to tell them exactly whose child it was. He was sure they didn’t know at first. But later he was convinced that they figured out why Ai and Rin had suddenly disappeared on the night of the reunion. “What were you two kids up to last night?” Nagisa teased on the day Rin hung out with the group before he had to leave. Ai would hold his breath and let Rin answer that for the day. 

Before he began to show, Ai used some moments to briefly speak up about “A hot boy in my philosophy class I’ve been hanging out with” in order for the rest of the group to suspect him of fooling around. It sounded kind of pathetic for a tactic, but Ai was in a panic. Still, he was almost sure they knew he was carrying a baby who was also Rin’s child. Either way, they were all very supportive of Ai and helped him as much as they could to prepare for the baby. On those sleepless nights where Ai couldn’t stop the tears from the thought of his life, Nagisa would be ready to be on the phone with him. On the days where he felt he couldn’t get up from his own bed because of the pain, Makoto would happily give him a hand. On those days his anxiety would build up on him and he felt the need to seclude himself, even Sousuke would show up to chat with him and make sure he was okay. 

Throughout this time, Ai was only be able to talk to Rin once in a while. Immediately after his departure, Rin didn’t have many chances to talk to Ai. Through Ai’s pregnancy, he only got to talk to him about once a month, twice on a good month. But around the months Ayaka was born, Ai would only get to speak to Rin about once every other month, if he was lucky. He understood though. When it came to Rin, Ai didn’t want to feel selfish. When they did talk, however, they would do so for longer than planned, letting themselves get carried away by the sound of the other’s voice. They has established that this wasn’t a romantic relationship between them. Rin had to focus on his swimming, and he didn’t want to hurt Ai by not being next to him. Ai could only comply to this, as much as he would’ve been up for something long-distance. But he would respect the red-head’s wishes and not force anything onto him. 

Every single time Rin and Ai talked, whether it be through video chat on Skype or a simple phone call, Ai would be more and more convinced that not telling Rin was the best choice. Rin had to stay on top of his game as a professional swimmer. The last thing Ai wanted was to distract the boy he loved when his dream was not so far ahead of him any longer. He wanted Rin to make it, not like his father who decided to direct all his attention to his family instead. 

\--

Ai was strolling through the small convenience store, killing some time before he actually had to show up to work. He picked out some bread to eat, along with some strawberry milk that had just the right sweetness he couldn’t resist.

As he walked towards the exit after paying, he noticed something through the corner of his eye. Next to the entrance door was the shelf of magazines. What intrigued him was a gray magazine; a sports one in particular. There on the very cover was the man he had shared so much with, Rin Matsuoka, “Japan’s very own”, as the cover read. Ai couldn’t help but pick it up and scan at the cover which included a large picture of Rin sitting with his swimming team, all in their swim trunks. Rin was obviously the focus on this Japanese magazine; they clearly feel proud of someone representing their country from another country far away. Ai had to smile, he was proud as well. 

Ai’s smile didn’t last as he noticed the other magazine in the slot he had taken the sports issue from. “Matsuoka’s affair?!” read the very large cover story on the gossip magazine that caught his attention. Ai felt some panic build up as he immediately set the sports one down, picking up the silly gossip magazine he would never really want to look twice at. There was Rin, once again. Except this time, he was awfully close to some girl with a slim figure and long blonde hair and summer attire. It was some terrible paparazzi snapshot, but it was still obviously Rin on the cover next to the girl whose face could not be fully seen. The smaller print below the picture read “Matsuoka has been doing more than swimming in Australia!”, featuring a smaller, unflattering picture of Rin with another girl whose face was still a mystery. Ai tried not to feel angry or upset. He mostly felt disappointed for being pulled into a gossip magazine to easily.

Ai felt the need to just head straight to work in hopes of clearing his head from the ridiculous article he forced himself to look at. It was supposed to be a rather easy shift that day. Work at the restaurant was not expected to boom on that boring weekday. But that also meant that his tips weren’t going to look so good that day. 

 

Being home felt so good. Ai prepared Ayaka and himself some dinner before watching some cartoons on the small television Momo bought them a while ago. He knew it would be an easy day at work, but he still felt so strained and lacking in energy. He figured it was the side effects from the anti-depressants again. 

He needed to get up and clean some around the small apartment, but being lazy and watching TV with Ayaka on his lap was much more desirable. He felt himself dozing off before he heard a sudden ring from his cell phone. 

“Ughhh”, Ai breathed out when he realized he had left his phone on the counter. Being the sweet girl she was, Ayaka quickly got up and fetched the phone for him. He gave his daughter a warm, grateful smile and didn’t have a chance to look at the caller ID before picking up.

“Ahh, Ai! How is everything?” Makoto’s concern for Ai was always the most endearing thing. 

“Nothing much, Makoto-san! I’m watching some TV with Ayaka after a nice meal-”

“Is that Mako-chan?!” Ayaka beams. “I wa’n talk to him! Pwease, pwease daddy.”

“Hah, would that be okay?” Ai whispers into the phone while Ayaka reaches her hand out, almost ready to snatch the phone away.

“Of course!” Makoto answers on the other line. 

“Mako-chan!” She clumsily handles the phone in her tiny hands. “Daddy made me this delicious food, with lots of rice!” Her excitement was almost incomprehensible. She sure loved to tell people the most minor things in her life. It was too adorable.

After some small chatter with Makoto’s amazing patience, Ai was able to get the phone back from Ayaka. 

“Sorry about that, she loves talking in the phone with others, especially you. So, is there anything you wanted to tell me in particular?” Ai asks as he finally settles down on the couch with Ayaka quietly continuing to watch the cartoon.

“Well, actually… I just got a call from Kou.” Makoto pauses. “Looks like Rin is coming back to Japan for some time. Kou wants to throw a celebration for him and Haru for their recent victories. It’ll be next Saturday. Do you think you can make it?”

Ai pauses. Rin is coming back for some time - he’ll get to see the man in person for the first time on over four years. “Of course, Makoto-san! But, what victories exactly?” Ai asks.

“Eh, haven’t you heard? This victory qualifies both of them for the next round that decides whether or not they’re going to the Olympics!”

It suddenly hits Ai that that is what the sports magazine was announcing. He stupidly got distracted by the gossip issue right behind it. 

“I didn’t realize! I think I can make it!” Ai sounded excited either way. He knew he’d have to beg his boss for the day off. 

After a few more minutes, he hung up the phone. With an exasperated sigh, he sunk onto Ayaka next to him. “Gahh!! Dad! Nooo, you’re heavy!” She loudly complained as Ai made sure not to press all his weight onto the little girl. Ayaka tried to push him off, and Ai dramatically threw himself forward as if Ayaka could throw him off that hard with her fragile little arms. 

Ayaka stood up, gave a content “hmph”, and sat on the couch to continue watching television. Ai just remained defeated on the carpet as he got lost in thought. He was sure Rin would meet Ayaka at some point during his visit. He wasn’t going to hide his child from Rin; that would look too suspicious He would definitely be able to keep the fact that Rin was her father to himself. He also knew that it was going to feel very awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the update is okay!  
> God I've been so busy lately but I tried.


	4. Chapter 4

The day of the little party Kou was throwing in celebration of Haru and Rin’s victories was approaching very fast. Ai wasn’t sure how to prepare for it. He was able to get the day off, after much begging and coming to a deal with his boss. Fortunately his boss was feeling generous enough to not ask for too much on Ai’s part to make up for the missed day. Then he had to find Ayaka a babysitter, which wasn’t too hard since he has had multiple occasions where a babysitter was desperately needed. 

Ai wasn’t sure whether or not he should prepare some kind of present for those they were celebrating. Rin was never big on receiving gifts for birthdays or other gift-exchanging celebrations. Rin has also been living a fun and luxurious life as a celebrity for the past two years, so he surely had a lot of money. What could a broke, single parent, college drop-out afford for someone so successful and so much higher in society? Plus, he wouldn’t be able to figure out what to get Haru either. Maybe a barrel of mackerel would satisfy him. 

He decided he would just bake some snacks for everyone to enjoy at the little party. The group was generally fond of Ai’s cooking and baking - Ai had always loved them taste-testing the new recipes he worked with. He had to do much of it when he was pregnant with Ayaka - Through the despair of his more negative circumstances and the slight depression that came from it all, Ai had taken to learning how to cook and bake as a distraction. Once Ayaka was born, he learned to love such a chore when he had to focus on taking care of her. Once her teeth grew in, she was the most willing to try new foods; the joy from his meals that radiated off of Ayaka gave Ai a big smile, as well as the motivation, to spend more time looking through recipe books and experimenting. It was rather funny because Ai used to be more of a klutz when it came to food: leaving the edges of bread too burnt, under-cooking vegetables, splattering grease on his clothes. It’s like this maternal instinct kicked in for the sake of raising the child as best he can. 

Ai felt a little bad that he wouldn’t take Ayaka to the party. It’s not like it was anything too big where it would be impossible to take care of her. However, the boys sometimes loved to drink at get-togethers; it usually begins with Nagisa bringing out a bottle and shouting “drink time!” or “Let’s get the real party started now!” Of course Ai always got pulled into it, and everyone knows Ai is not close to what one could call a heavy-drinker. He’s also been told that he could be a bit more upfront and vulgar. That could just be Nagisa wanting to mess with him the next day, when Ai can hardly remember what happened during his drunken state. 

The other reason Ai couldn’t take Ayaka was obvious - Rin didn’t know about her. Ai would think so, at least. He trusted that everyone kept her name off their tongues whenever they contacted Rin. Ai made sure not to mention it when he was able to talk to the swimmer. Even in one Skype call in particular where Rin just straight out asked why Ai couldn’t finish his university career. Ai could’ve revealed it all if he hadn’t been able to internalize his trouble and hold in his breakdown until after they disconnected. He was able to play it off; mostly relying on the excuse of financial trouble, which was also completely true. He just wouldn’t say what caused him to be having so much financial trouble in the first place.

The time to leave for the party was approaching, and Ai had to deal with the agonizing feeling of uneasiness as he finished packing the treats he prepared. He waited a little longer, sitting on his couch and counting the minutes, before he set off to Haru and Makoto’s shared place.

The train ride was short and sweet. It wasn’t too crowded for a weekend afternoon. Ai sat there thinking about the things he would say at the gathering - sometimes he needed to run a script in his head in order to deal with his anxieties. He knew he’d be happy to visit Makoto and Haru’s condo after quite some time. Makoto and Ai have been especially growing close throughout the years. Ai appreciates the other’s kindness to the ends of the earth; it was a friendship he was a bit afraid of at first. Ai had always been quite insecure around the Iwatobi group in fear that they wouldn’t like him. But that is yet another reason Ai is grateful and loving to Rin all the time; it was through him that he got to know such wonderful people.

Another ten minute walk to the condo is what it took for Ai to almost decide that he wanted to turn back and head home. But of course, he found himself ringing the doorbell and heard an excited shout from none other than Nagisa and Momo. Makoto opened the door with a warm and welcoming smile while Nagisa just exclaimed “It’s just Ai-chan!” followed by a disappointed sigh. 

“Nagisa, don’t be rude.” Rei scolded.

“Don’t mind him, Ai. We’re still waiting for Rin to show up and we all thought it was him.” Makoto informed him. “He should be arriving soon.”

“What’s with Nagisa shouting all the time? Rei, you need to control your little boyfriend.” Rin said as he stood in the doorway, which was not fully closed after Ai was escorted in.

“AH! It’s Rin this time!” Momo exclaims.

“We didn’t get to give him an exciting welcome! Ugh, how boring” Nagisa pouts.

Rin stepped in on his own and made himself comfortable on the small sofa as if it was his own home. Ai just stood there, slightly smiling as he took his first glimpses of the man after many years. 

“Let’s move to the dining room everyone” Makoto announces before he notices Haru is gone and suspects him of taking a bath while the party celebrating him and Rin is going on. 

Everyone greets Rin with happy smiles and pats on the back as Makoto leaves to try to drag out the obsessive-swimmer. “Hello” Ai says in a low voice with a small smile when his and Rin’s eyes finally meet during their move to the dining room table. Rin smiles back with a small “hi” before Nagisa starts bombarding the red-head with questions.

The whole event was one big general talk where nothing got too personal - to Ai’s satisfaction, fortunately. Rin didn’t pay special attention to Ai this time; he didn’t pay special attention to anyone really. But Ai didn’t feel bothered by it. The evening was enjoyable as Nagisa and Rei shared shome of their own college stories and Haru started cooking up the batch of mackerel everyone had actually missed. They learned that Rin’s stay was going to be an extended one, much longer than last time. It was a bit wishful thinking, but Ai began to hope that he and Rin could make something from where they left off during his stay. That was impossible, though they were already much more than that. They were parents. Not that Rin knows. But Ai can only focus on raising Ayaka as best he can while Rin probably had a girlfriend of his own. Two actually, according to that lame magazine. 

“So Haru and Rin are rivals once again!” Nagisa had to bring up. “How’s that feel?”

Haru stayed quiet, like he usually does. “Haru and I aren’t rivals, we’re just, um, friendly competitors” Rin answered.

“Yeah, but this time it’s really for the gold!” Momo butted in. 

“Heh, guys I appreciate your excitement over us, but I got some time off before I have to do more olympic stuff. Let me rest for a bit.” Nagisa pouted at the response, and he knew Haru wasn’t going to give him much of a satisfying answer either. 

It goes on with random chatter and more excessive eating, even when the main dish was mackarel. Ai even got some questions on his part about his job, although he was reluctant to answer considering his boss got a little mad at him for wanting to take the day off. Rin would glance at him and give an interested smile that made Ai almost look away, but he tried his best to maintain eye contact. Nagisa nudged Ai when he noticed some kind of eye-flirting thing going on there. It seemed no one else wanted to comment on it or just didn’t notice. Ai also didn’t want to read too much into it and get his hopes up. 

Eventually everyone began to leave and Ai just couldn’t bring himself to go earlier. He knew he didn’t have to worry about Ayaka until the next morning when he’s supposed to pick her up. Rin was staying at Makoto and Haru’s place for the night and sleeping in Haru’s room while Haru moves to Makoto’s for the night. Like that made any difference, even with separate bedrooms Haru only ever slept in Makoto’s bed.

“Ai” Rin spoke before Ai was about to leave. “Let me walk you out.”

Ai’s heart palpitated a little faster as Rin shut the door behind him. Rin didn’t have to worry about entertaining anyone else at the party. Everyone except Nagisa had already left, and that blonde boy was more than enthusiastic and encouraging when Rin told Ai he’d see him out. 

“I’ll walk you to the station” Rin suggested.

“Oh, uh, thank you, Rin.” Ai crossed his fingers in front of himself as he tried not to get worked up. 

It took a few steps of silence for Ai to feel a little awkward about his situation. He didn’t want to come off that way, even though out of anyone Rin would expect that. 

“You guys sure know how to make someone feel welcome.” Rin broke the silence. “I’m glad you showed up.”

“O-of course, Rin. You guys have all been like a family to me.” Ai spoke, feeling a tinge of insecurity. “I’m happy I was invited.”

“Your brownie things, though. Those were amazing! Not too sweet, but still really chocolate-y. I would’ve saved some for tomorrow if Nagisa hadn’t stuffed the rest in his mouth before leaving,” he chuckled at the picture. “I didn’t know you could bake, Ai!”

“Thank you!” Ai lit up. “I took on cooking and baking some time ago and it’s really payed off. I used to be kind’a clumsy but I’m actually really good at it! If you want, I can make you a lemon meringue or something, since you don’t like sweet things that much!” He got very enthusiastic at the thought of pleasuring Rin with his newfound talent in cooking. 

“I’ll definitely take you up on that, sounds delicious.” A smirk spread on Rin’s face as they continued their walk. It was only a few minutes before they got to the station, all the while they had a small pleasant conversation.

 

“Dad! Your phone is ringing!” Ayaka ran to the kitchen, holding out the cell phone to her father who washing some dishes after their dinner. Ai knew to take it from her quickly or she would’ve answered herself;she could stay talking to whoever was on the other line for an hour before Ai could get it back from her. 

“Hello?” Ai held the phone between his shoulder and ear, tilting his head in a rather uncomfortable position. 

“Ai.”

“Rin?” He sounded pleasantly surprised. “How are you doing?”

“Pretty good actually. I finally found a place I could rent out for the next couple months.”

“That’s good to hear!” Ai didn’t know how to continue after that. He didn’t want to ask him why he was calling in case that sounded like he was bothered by it. 

“So…” Rin began after a small ‘yeah’ to answer Ai. “I was wondering if you’d still be willing to make me that lemon meringue?” Ai guessed that was Rin’s way of saying he wanted to see him. Ai had to stop what he was doing at the kitchen sink and dry his hands to hold the phone properly. He slowly walked to the couch and plopped down next to Ayaka who was writing in a small notebook. 

“Of course, Rin!”

“That’s great! Not too much trouble I hope?” 

“No, no, definitely not!” Ai realized that was a lie. Making lemon meringue was actually a pain in the butt from past experiences. But he wasn’t going to tell Rin that. 

“Nice. So when’s good for you?”

“Hmm… I don’t have work on Sunday. Want to come then?” He paused. Not good. Ayaka doesn’t have school then either. Sunday was really his only day available. He didn’t want to go back on this now. 

“Sounds perfect. It’s a date.” Rin chuckled. “I’ll have to talk to you later, I’ve got to make a call home. Goodnight, Ai.”

It almost sounded like a purr in Ai’s ear on his line and he hoped Ayaka didn’t notice how flustered he got. He gave a quick “goodnight” and hung up before he realized there was no way to escape this. He now has plans with Rin in less than three days and Ayaka’s existence will be known. Ai sat in thought for some time before he decided he’ll have to let it happen. Rin was going to be around for a while and it’s not like he was going to hide Ayaka the entire time. He would meet his daughter without knowing it; he just had to keep it to himself like always. He played it off with the rest of the group. Whether they knew the truth or not, Ai learned to stop questioning it and filling himself with unnecessary guilt. They never asked many questions, and he hoped Rin would do the same. Rin never really bothered another with questions like Ai used to bother Rin. 

“Huhh” He let out a deep sigh and slumped on the couch. Ayaka paid no attention as all of it was directed to her notebook. Ai let his eyes close for a few minutes, deep with exhaustion but not quite tired enough to want to sleep in that awkward position on his couch.

“Dad!” Ayaka stood and showed her father what she had been working on. A small figure with a triangle dress and a giant circular head stood in the center holding hands with a tall woman in a long rectangle dress. “Look, look! It’s me! And A-chan from the cartoon I like! She’s my favorite!” She then pointed at a little blotch inside a big sloppy star on the far left of the page. “That’s you! Because you’re a star!” 

This little girl was the real star in his universe, Ai thought. He could never even think of hiding something so bright. 

 

“Alright, got everything. I hope.” Ai spoke out loud trying to remember exactly everything he needed for the meringue. This didn’t have to be so difficult if Ai took the time to find the paper he had written the recipe on. No matter how many years had passed, deep inside he was still the messy kid who couldn’t keep track of his work place. 

Of course he still cleaned up some for Rin, who should be showing up any minute now. Ai tried to keep his nerves down by counting his breaths and knocking on wood anytime he imagined something going wrong. His small superstitious rituals were also something he could never get rid of. He repeatedly found comfort in this practice, and it eased the anxiety building up every passing minute he waited for Rin to show up. Then finally there was a knock on the door.

Ai quickly went to check on Ayaka before heading to the front and looking through the peep hole. He could see Rin standing there, a little timid-looking. He kept glancing all around as if the area was uncomfortable. He couldn’t blame him. Ai’s neighborhood wasn’t exactly flooded with riches and important people. Ai took another deep breath before finally opening the door just as Rin was about to give another knock. “Hello” Ai exhaled and gave a warm smile.

“Hey,” Rin replied, not hesitating to place his hand at the back of his neck like he always did whenever he felt a little shy. Ai noticed Rin glance down at him. He was wearing a cute apron with a yellow duckling imprinted on it. It was Ai’s favorite apron and Ayaka had one to match. Rin must have thought it to be a little silly since he gave a faint chuckle and looked back up at Ai. “I see you’re ready to get started,” the taller boy smiled again.

“Yes, of course,” he gave a small determined look. “Ah, come in! I’ll take your coat!” Ai gave a little bounce. He quickly took the coat to the bedroom and took advantage of the trip by once again checking on Ayaka, who was still sound asleep and curled up with her and Ai’s favorite black cat blanket. 

“It’s pretty welcoming in here,” Rin said as he glanced around, not wanting to seem rude. It was a small apartment. It definitely couldn’t compare to wherever Rin lived back in Australia. He must have a really nice place right by the beach. In no time would Ai hear about Rin’s luxurious mansion with a full sized olympic pool, he was sure. 

“Th-thank you, Rin! I’m sorry it’s pretty cramped though,” Came a small reply from Ai as he returned from the bedroom. “Um, make yourself at home, please! I’m going to take out the remaining stuff.”

While Ai occupied himself in the kitchen, Rin decided to stay on the couch and wait. He felt a little awkward to speak up and start a conversation. He didn’t even know what he would begin to talk about. So he looked around the small apartment once again, although he didn’t want to feel like he was prodding around. He noticed first a plush duck on the ground under a small coffee table. It was so like Ai to keep those around, Rin smiled at himself. He remembered the group trip to the aquarium back in high school where Rin and Sousuke battled it out on a claw machine to see who could get a stuffed animal first. Rin was triumphant on his third attempt and made sure to rub the prized stuffed duck in Sousuke’s face. They weren’t sure what to do with the toy, so Ai happily accepted it for himself. It was such a soothing memory that made Rin smile a little too much that he was a little afraid Ai would catch him grinning like an idiot. 

“Rin, do you want anything to drink for the time being?” Ai cut off his thoughts.

“Umm, sure. Water’s fine.” Rin still couldn’t help but feel a little awkward with his response. What am I a timid teenager, I need to get it together, Rin thought. Rin also noticed some small shoes tucked in a corner, as well as a high chair that’s strapped onto a regular chair on the small dining table. Is Ai sharing this place with someone? Rin was snapped out of that thought once he realized Ai was handing him a glass of water. 

“Well, I’m going to get started on it!” Ai looked pretty pumped about his new task. Rin got up and stood over the counter to see if there was anything he could help with. “Oh, by the way Rin, did you plan to stay long? Because this is going to take some time.” As much as Ai loved having Rin in his home, he kind of wished he would have to leave earlier. He knew there was no way to avoid presenting Rin to Ayaka eventually but if Ayaka stayed in bed for the next three hours or so and Rin didn’t raise any questions, he could just postpone the emotional meeting. Not that it would actually be emotional, since he wouldn’t tell Rin the truth. But it would definitely be emotional for Ai, to some extent. 

“No, I’m not busy with anything else. I’m all yours tonight.” Ai felt himself heat up a little at the response. 

Ai was preparing the lemon meringue, not asking too much from Rin during the process. “Oh shoot, the measuring cup. Of course I forgot it.” He began to look in his cupboards and wherever else it could be before figuring out that it was left on the drying rack. Rin noticed lots of plastic cups and decorated plates as Ai was rummaging through his kitchen. Rin had the thought again of Ai possibly having a roommate, who probably had a child. Ai was long distracted by his baking that he wasn’t paying attention to these little details that raised questions. Rin cleared his throat a little as he decided to pop the question. 

“Umm, Ai. Do you live here with someone?”

Ai set down the measuring cup in his hand and hesitated to look at Rin, thinking of some sort of response. He didn’t want to lie; he didn’t want to tell the truth. 

“Well, I-”

“I’m hungry…” Came a small groan from a sleepy child by the bedroom door. Ayaka had woken up. Oh God, Ai thought. It was inevitable. 

“Well um,” Ai turned back to Rin, “Yes, actually. Ayaka, sweetie, come say hi.”

The little girl approached slowly and looked up at Rin with brilliant blue eyes, just like Ai’s. She resembled him a lot. Her face was soft, like any child’s, but it was really like Ai’s. Her hair was cut short with a messy bed-head that resembles Nagisa’s hairstyle. The color was a soft red-violet with a grey tint. Her skin has a slightly darker tone than Ai’s. Compared to his milky pale skin,she was definitely tanner. Her eyes were also not as round as Ai’s, but they were filled with the wonder all the same. 

“Hi,” she spoke a little shyly but immediately turned to Ai. “Daddy, what are you making?” 

Wait, daddy? Rin was sure he had heard that right but, how could it be?

“Um, Ai… She’s- I mean- Is she your-”

“Uh, yes Rin. This is Ayaka,” he set a hand on her shoulder and spoke with a small, timid smile. “She’s my daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how to feel about this anymore but here it is!   
> Sorry it took longer than expected but my laptop has been failing me lately and there's been a million things going on.  
> Anyway, thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Rin felt like he was being intensely watched by a little girl who is seated on a small dining room table eating from a small cup of pudding. Said little girl almost looked angry and protective. Rin definitely didn’t know how to react to it, and Aiichirou didn’t seem to want to touch on the subject as he was focusing all of his attention on his baking. But how was Rin allowed to react in this situation? Surprised is the most apparent emotion that Rin was feeling. But that is not enough to explain this new stir of emotions as he thought about it further. This little girl, happily taking spoonfuls of pudding that moment, is Ai’s daughter. Anyone could see the resemblance; but, she’s really Ai’s child? From his own body, his own womb? Ayaka looked back up at Rin and kept her stare as if she was evaluating him repeatedly.

The lemon meringue they were preparing was just about ready to hit the oven, and Ai felt as if his time was running out. _Once the pie is baking, there will be nothing to take my focus_ , he thought. It’s okay, it’s okay, Ai counted his breaths as he set the pie in the oven and closed the door.

“So,” Ai spoke as he turned towards Rin and Ayaka on the dining room table, “the pie will bake for ten minutes, and then we can cool it and enjoy!” He tried to sound as cheerful and comfortable as possible. “Um… Ayaka, do you have any school work or papers I need to look at?”

“No, daddy, not today. You already helped me with those, remember?”

“Ah, yes I do. H-how about you show Rin some of your cartoon pictures?”

Ayaka’s eyes lit up some and ran towards the bedroom to gather notebooks and drawing paper.

There was an awkward silence before Rin felt obligated to speak up. “She’s cute.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Ai gave a nervous laugh.

“She really looks like you.”

“Y-yes, I hear that a lot.”

“She doesn’t seem to want to talk much.”

“Yes, she can be pretty shy, but she gets pretty comfortable with people quickly. Then she can also get really straight forward.”

“She really does remind me of you.”

“Mhmm, I’m also told that a lot,” another nervous chuckle from Ai.

“Here!” Ayaka come running from the other room, breaking the awkward back and forth about her. She sets all the paper and books down on the small living room floor and scatters them. She drops to her knees and looks up at Rin and Ai as if telling them to hurry up and get on the floor with her. Ai is the first to walk to the carpet and kneel next to Ayaka. Rin takes the hint and goes on the other side of the little girl and awkwardly drops to the same position.

“Ok so first, look at this one I did with my friend, Suna! She’s my best friend in the whole world! I drew her, and she drew me! Now look at this one with me as a superhero! Don’t I look so cool?!” She continued to ramble in detail about all her drawings. She wasn’t done with half of them when the timer for the pie went off and Ai had to go back into his kitchen, leaving Rin behind to talk to the excited little girl. Not that she gave him much room for a response. Once the pie was on the cooling rack, Ai began to wash the dishes as he watched Ayaka’s little presentation. It was like Ayaka to get so familiar with a stranger Ai presented her. He liked the response between them, but Rin still looked a little nervous. Ai wondered why before his mind let him get anxious about Ayaka telling him a lot of extra details and the possibility of Rin adding things up and figuring out she was also his daughter. He quickly rushed back to Ayaka’s side and knelt down.

“Ayaka, how about we get some real food in your stomach. Is there anything you’re craving?”

“Mmm…,” Ayaka paused in thought. “I want some pizza!”

“Pizza? Sweetie, we had pizza yesterday.”

“Pleeeease! I only had a little!”

“Pizza does sound really good right now…” Rin added.

“Umm, well it’d take some time to get here since have to order it. Although it would be easy to walk to the shop, it’s not too far…” Ai thought to himself. “Oh, of course I wouldn’t want to leave you here by yourself, Rin.”

“Let’s just all walk there together if that’s easier.” Rin suggested.

“Well, sure then! I’ll go get our coats.” Ai went off the the bedroom where he left Rin’s coat and got one for himself and Ayaka.

It was a chilly evening and Ai’s hand were cold, as always, even when holding onto Ayaka’s smaller, warmer hand. Rin walked next to them with his own hands in his coat pockets and looked up towards the darkening sky. Ayaka had begun to ramble about something she was doing with her class for the upcoming parent night as Ai and Rin stayed quiet and listened. She then got a little jumpy once they were at the shop ordering their pizza. Rin would chuckle at her silliness as she spun around chanting something about her favorite toppings.

Rin wasn’t sure how he was supposed to talk to the little girl. He wasn’t even sure how to react to the whole thing as they waited in silence for their food after he insisted on paying for everything. He wanted to keep talking to Ai about this whole thing; he wanted to ask too many questions that would certainly overwhelm the boy. He felt the silence that overcame the small shop was too much. He was there to be with Ai, and although a surprise little guest appeared, he would stay and be with them for the time being.

Ai also didn’t know how to begin a conversation. He wished Ayaka would speak up in these moments, but being a good little girl, she not sat quietly and softly hummed to herself.

Rin cleared his throat and spoke up. “Ahem… can’t wait to try the pie after dinner.”

Ai looked upwards at Rin and gave a small smile. “Yes, I’m sure you’ll like it! You’ll also love the pizza, this is one of my favorite places to go for quick food!” Again, it was hard to keep the conversation going when a million thought were running through their minds.

They quickly ate their pizza once they got back to Ai’s place and devoured half of the pie. Ayaka making a mess with crumbs everywhere. Rin would look back and forth between Ayaka and Ai, as if he’s deciding whether or not to feel comfortable with the whole situation; Ai’s anxieties just shot up from there.

“Ai,” Rin spoke up while they were watching something on Ai’s old computer.

“Y-yes?” Ai answered the unexpected call of his name.

“Is it just you two here? I mean, is there… um,” Rin did not quite know how to bring up the question about the father of the child. But he wanted to know. With Ayaka, did Ai have the other father in the picture? Did Ai have a significant other that helps him with his child? Was Ai in a relationship that Rin was just now realizing he was probably intruding on?

“W-what… do you mean?” Ai knew exactly what Rin wanted to know.

“Is there, um… Is Ayaka’s other father around?” Ai didn’t freeze, but he sure wanted to just shut himself down and not deal with this part. However, he had still tried to prepare for this.

“Well… No, not really.” He wanted to keep it at that.

“Has it just been you and Ayaka?” Never had Ai thought of such a role-reversal. This time it was Rin nagging him with questions instead of the other way around.

“Yes, I’ve been raising her on my own all this time.” He hoped that was enough to satisfy him.

“Wow. Ai, that must have been really tough on you.” Rin was truly being sincere.

“Aha… well I’m not going to lie, it really has been. But I’m okay, and Ayaka is healthy and strong. We’re both doing our best.”

“What about your parents?”

Ai didn’t really want to think about them. “They weren’t very happy about my situation.”

“They didn’t help you with her?”

“No. They told me I was completely irresponsible and just kind of cut me off.”

Rin felt this anger pent up inside him. But he also felt bad. He never knew any of this; he never knew what Ai was going through. This was why he dropped out of college. He must’ve felt so ashamed and never wanted to tell Rin because of it.

Rin also felt proud of Ai. He’s never given up on anything, and Rin can tell he fought hard to give Ayaka a comfortable life. Just those few short hours with the little girl so far proved how much Ai loves and adores her. Rin suddenly felt this desire to be a part of this small family; this small world that Ai has created with his daughter.

He also knew she shouldn’t pry anymore than he already has.

“Well, I need to get Ayaka in the bath and get us ready for tomorrow.” As much as he’d love Rin to stay longer, Ai just needed him out of there.

“Oh, of course.” Rin said as he quickly stood up, realizing it sounded like he was now intruding. Ai walked him out. “It was really good to see you today.”

“Same here,” Ai smiled that cute smile that just made Rin sigh in content. How he wished he could lean down and quickly capture Ai’s soft lips; but now didn’t seem right.

Ai waited outside the complex until he saw Rin completely gone from sight. It was already dark out, although not very late. Still, he had some chores to do before he could get ready to call it a day. Right now, he was going to make sure Ayaka isn’t digging into more pie without permission.

As we was walking back to his apartment, sudden thoughts came to his head about everything that had just transpired. _Is Rin thinking differently of me, just like my parents? Just like some of those people from school? He doesn’t seem like the type. I know Rin. Why would he think so differently of me? But he might. He just might decide to not talk to me anymore._ Ai shook his head and took a deep breath. It had been a good day with Rin, he decided. It was something he wasn’t going to forget over his anxiety. He wanted to cherish it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a shorter chapter but it's finally done! I have no one to beta this for me but I hope it's okay at least.  
> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments ahh you guys are the best!!


	6. Chapter 6

“Look, Rin, there’s no reason to be worked up about it.” Makoto sighed.

“What do you mean there’s no reason, there’s one big reason!” Rin blasted loudly into his phone.

“I understand that you’re surprised but wouldn’t this attitude just make Ai anxious? I hope you didn’t react like this in his face.”

“Of course not! It’s just…” Rin paced back and forth in his temporary place while holding the phone to his ear. “I mean, this is pretty big for me to not know about, you know?”

Makoto was silent for a few seconds.

“I’m mostly like this because he didn’t tell me! He didn’t tell me something so important.” Rin went on instead of waiting for a reply.

“Rin is feeling left out!” Rin heard a high-pitched voice further away on the other end of the line.

“Why is Nagisa there?”

“Eh, well he wanted to watch a series premiere with us.” Makoto answered.

“He invited himself over.” Haru answered.

“What!? You guys said I could come!”

“Well, Nagisa, of course it’s fine with me, but we said that when you were already inside the condo.”

“It’s okay, Nagisa.” Haru added.

“Okay guys, stop, this is not what I called for! Someone please help me out.”

“I don’t think you have a reason to be so stressed about this, Rin.” Haru decided.

“Yeah, Haru-chan is right!”

“I don’t want to be stressed about this. It’s just… he didn’t tell me anything. All these years...”

“Well you’re not very good at keeping people in contact either,” Haru retorted.

“And why couldn’t you guys tell me any of this?” Rin shot back while dropping himself on his large couch and ignoring Haru’s comment.

“It wasn’t our place!” Nagisa added. Nagisa out of all people decided to keep his mouth shut, Rin thought.

“Weren’t you guys talking while you were in Australia? Honestly, we thought you already knew this.” Makoto tried to alleviate the tension.

“We… we did once in a while. It wasn’t like we didn’t talk that much, actually.” Rin thought back. “He even told me about dropping out of college for some time but he never mentioned it was because he was having a child…”

Rin was worked up. He was really really worked up and he didn’t want to admit to himself why. He was becoming a mess over this, and he was almost taking it out on his friends. “Not even Sousuke said anything and he’s still been living here.”

“Rin, I guess you should look at the bigger picture,” Makoto began,  “Ai’s been really stressed since he found out he was pregnant. He was financially desperate. He couldn’t afford school or the surgery he was also saving up for. Then his parents cutting him off…”

Makoto paused. He sounded pretty upset. “He didn’t even want to tell us or ask for help. We obviously found out eventually. You should know how he is. If he has a problem or something is bothering him he internalizes all of his feelings. He’ll otherwise think he’ll be bothering others, especially those close to him.”

Rin took a second to think it over. Makoto’s right. He always is.

“Yeah, Rin-chan! Ayaka has to be the biggest thing in his life. And he’s worked all on his own-”

Rin sighed. He knows how Aiichirou is. “Yeah, that boy would rather be miserable by himself than ask others for help.”  It wasn’t a pride thing. Rin would have the pride problem. This is because Ai doesn’t want to feel like a bother. Rin gets it more clearly now.

He gave a big, exasperated sigh before he built up the nerve to ask.

“So… do you guys know who the other father is?”

“AAAA I GET IT NOW!” Nagisa exclaimed into the phone causing Rin to wince and pull his away from his ear. “RinRin is jealous!”

“What?! Nagi-”

“Rin is all worked up about someone knocking up Ai!”

“Nagisa! Don’t say that!” Makoto cried out.

“Nagisa!” Rin growled.

“Don’t worry Rin, Ai-chan isn’t seeing anyone right now, you can definitely swoop him off his feet.”

“I’m not… I mean-.”

“Plus you’re gon’na love Ayaka! She’s so adorable!”

“Well, yeah, she is-”

“You’d all make such a cute family!”

“N-Nagisa…” Rin could not stop the blush. Thank god no one was around to see him. “Okay, I’m not thinking that far ahead.”

“But you have thought of it, right Rin-chan?”

“Nagisa, don’t pry on him so much like that.”

Rin chuckled, going back to his calm. “So I’m guessing none of you know who the other father is.”

“I wish I knew. Ai never wanted to tell us.” Makoto answered.

“He did date some guys back in college. We figured whoever it was, they were a huge coward and bailed out on poor Ai-chan.” Nagisa followed.

“So that bastard never helped Ai out all those years. Some low-life.” Rin practically growled in anger at the thought of how much Ai probably had to endure through the years.

“Yeah, Ai can do better.” Nagisa blurted.

“Don’t blame Ai, he’s just been doing the best he can.” Makoto replied.

“Since when have you been all chummy with Ai, Makoto?” Rin questioned.

“Well, Ai’s been like a little brother to me these years.” Makoto claimed.

“Ne, Mako-chan was even the one in the hospital room holding Ai’s hand when he gave birth!”

“Wait, what!?”

 

Ai had to prepare for his shift that day after dropping Ayaka off in school. He was afraid he was going to be late, and he wasn’t on the best terms with his boss. There was so much pressure from work as autumn’s evening crowds would come pouring in for festivities. It didn’t help that some of Ai’s clumsiness didn’t go away since his earlier school days. Sometimes he would mix up orders or leave a table unattended for too long. He was trying his best with a daughter to take care of. Altogether, he was crazy stressed.

He took his regular break by going through his phone and trying to relax some. It didn’t help that it had been some time since Rin had last called him, and he took to thinking that he may never call him again. He just felt embarrassed. Not about Ayaka. If Rin didn’t like Ayaka then Ai would have to reevaluate his feelings for him. But no one could not like Ayaka. Ai felt embarrassed and guilty for never having told Rin. He could’ve told the him earlier, concealing the fact that he’s the father of course. Then things would go more smoothly and maybe Rin wouldn’t question Ai as much. Ai took another deep-breath for his mental health. He had his reasons. He didn’t want Rin to have to give up on his dreams. He had to conceal it in order to have it not be pieced together early on. Ai thought it could only be a matter of time before he really has to tell him. But he figured he would think more about that when he was sure Rin was going to keep talking to him.

His shift was ending and Ai was preparing some of the restaurant’s food in a to-go box for Ayaka. Picking her up went smoothly, and the teacher praised her behavior again that day. It was already dark out as the season kept taking a turn to colder weather and more quiet nights. He gripped Ayaka’s hand tightly as she went on about her day, having too much energy for the time. He waved to some folks in the neighborhood and give his famous warm smile as he walked the narrow streets. These moments were the most blissful - when he was certain of his destination and could also enjoy his journey there. It was simply a walk home, but he didn’t have to think too hard about his circumstances and anxieties, for all he knew is that his next step would just take him to his warm home with his small, loving daughter, where he will put some food into her and clean her up.

As soon as they got to the apartment, Ai’s ringtone played from the bottom of his pocket in his heavy jacket. He quickly set his things down in order to catch it before he missed whoever it was. Answering before he could check the caller, a low voice Ai knew too well spoke.

“Hey, Ai.”

“Ah, Rin!” He sounded a little too excited. Typical of him.

“How are you?”

“I-I’m fine, how are you?”

“Mn, I’m good.” He paused. “Listen Ai, I was wondering if you’d like to go out some time soon… Well, whenever you’re available.”

Ai’s heart rate shot up as he thought of his schedule.

“Daddy!!” Ayaka shouted from the dining room table as she was taking out the food Ai brought home. “Can I start eating from the box you brought?”

“No! Wait, you’ll make a mess!” He turned back to the phone. “Of course, Rin!” He said much too quickly. “But can I call you back, I have to make sure Ayaka doesn’t make a complete mess.”

“Sure-” Rin couldn’t even finish before Ai pressed end and saved himself from what he would have had to clean up later.

 

Ai called back about an hour later when he was sure Ayaka would keep quiet and work on her coloring book.

“Ah, sorry about that. I was worried she was going to spill all the soup I brought.”

Rin chuckled at Ai’s relieved sigh. “You guys are so cute. So when are you free?”

“I don’t have work this next Saturday, but I’ll have to find Ayaka a babysitter.”

“I hope it’s not too much trouble” Rin replied, concerned.

“No, it’s not a problem!”

They continued a conversation while Ai had the spare time. It was great how easily he was able to talk; no longer worried about Rin possibly ignoring him after last time.

“It’s a date then.” Rin confirmed and Ai’s heart skipped a beat yet again. How am I so stuck on him, Ai thought. Not that he really minds - Rin was just so perfect in his eyes. Ai has to wonder how it is that someone like Rin is really into him though. He could never figure it out.

 

Once Rin hung up, he took a breather. He was more nervous about it than he imagined.

It wasn’t like this with the people he dated the past couple of years in Australia. This was Ai, the boy who was there for him for so long and whom he had ignored for a great portion of high school. He deeply cared about him, but he didn’t always have the best way of showing it.

He couldn’t help but feel excited about their date. He was all worked up about Aiichirou keeping secrets; about keeping the existence of his daughter concealed. But he wasn’t going to let it affect him so much anymore. He was there, and so was Ai. He has the opportunity to take advantage of his visit, so why not go all out with this cute boy he’s adored for so long.  Even though things have changed and Ai has gone through things Rin could never really imagine. He wanted to make the most of his time with Ai.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can update this more quickly before school starts up again! Thanks so much for the comments and kudos, you guys are what keep me going ;o;


	7. Chapter 7

Ai really wasn’t sure about what he wanted to wear for his date with Rin. He’d admit, he’s a guy with weird outfit coordination that he can easily pull off, so it shouldn’t be this hard. But he was a nervous wreck and he just wanted to present himself in a good way. He was never shy with this kind of stuff before.

It took him about a full hour to get himself completely ready; something he didn’t do since his middle school days when he was first trying to present himself in a more masculine way. He headed out, knowing that Ayaka was in good hands and that he had left his place nice and tidy. Ai checked his phone and sent off a message to Rin, letting the older boy know he was on his way. Rin’s reply came quickly, making Ai smile yet feel that tinge of nervousness once again.

Another ring came from Ai’s phone. ”I’m here,” read the brief massage.

Ai tried to make it to the cafe they had agreed to meet at as fast as he could. There stood Rin, right in front of the tall cafe window with the cute fairy lights and fancy writing. He was looking down at his phone, mindlessly sliding his fingers on the screen as he waited. Ai slowly approached him. “Hey,” his voice slightly cracked. God, he was embarrassing.

“Hey!” Rin responded with a huge smile that lit up Ai’s entire day. Rin just looked so handsome in his dark jeans, tall boots, maroon blazer, and black beanie.  Ai felt shaky all of a sudden, and he sure didn’t want Rin to notice.

“You look nice.” Ai commented.

“Thanks! And look at you, you look amazing! You always chose your outfits well.” Ai almost felt as if the comment was supposed to be sarcastic. He felt a little silly with the light, gray coat he had on, although it was one of his favorite things to wear.

There was a pause as Ai looked down, accepting the compliment. “So,” Rin spoke up, “do you wan’na get some coffee or something now that we’re here? My treat.”

“Yeah, sure.”

They sat themselves down after ordering to start off the date. “It’s so nice to finally be out with you. After such a long time,” Ai admitted.

Rin was slightly caught off guard, but he really shouldn’t be surprised. Ai was still the loving guy who let you know just how much he cares to this day. “Yeah, it’s really nice to be with you. I missed how comfortable it felt being with you.”

There were the butterflies going wild in Ai’s stomach again. “M-me too,” he stuttered while going red in the face, tightening the grip on his coffee cup. “How has the big life been for you?” Ai wanted to change the subject to Rin.

“Oh well, you know. It’s a lot of work, but being in the big shot races is all worth it.”

Ai had calmed down enough to light up about how happy Rin was getting talking about his successful lifestyle. Living out his dreams and aspirations. It was so admirable and comforting for Ai; just knowing that his Rin was getting to do all he wanted and more with his life.

“The fame has to be really fun too!” Ai could only imagine. “What’s it like?!”

“Well, look who’s curious. You want to be famous one day?” Rin replied.

“Uh, not exactly. I did want to become a famous fashion designer back in my early high school days. But we know that definitely didn’t happen.” Ai said with a slightly sad tone he hoped didn’t go too noticed in case it ruined the mood. He wanted to change the subject back to Rin and repeated his question. “So how is it like living in a spotlight?”

Rin caught on with how Ai didn’t want to continue about himself. “Heh, I’m not that big of a name. I mean, people will know me if they’re really into the sports scene. I’m not like an A-list actor who will get chased on the streets.”

Ai chuckled a little at the thought of fans barricading around Rin like in cheesy movies. “Well I would still be careful, I’ve seen you on some magazine covers that would definitely get some people begging for your attention. You’re a bigger hit than you realize back here in Japan” Ai was recalling the magazines from a while ago. A small frown appeared on his face once he remembered that one gossip magazine.

“Oh, those sports magazines are always kind’a fun actually. They always give me issues whenever my name is even mentioned. But it’s a little weird seeing or reading about myself.”

“They sure sound better than gossip magazines.”

“Gossip?”

“Yeah, like the ones that let everyone know you love having all these different girlfriends at once.” Ai did not even try to hide that tinge of bitterness in his voice.

“Oh, god…” Rin was thinking back to his summer flings and the magazine that brought up that topic. “There are so many reasons why I hate appearing in mainstream media. I’m not even at the Olympics yet and they make a big deal of everything I do!”

As upset as thinking about it made him, Ai was finding this quite amusing.

“Ai,” Rin began. “I know they love to make people look bad, but I’m not some cheating piece of shit like they say. I haven’t even been in a serious relationship.”

It was obvious that Rin was desperately trying to assure Ai about himself. He was already feeling like he made a fool of himself, even though he didn’t do anything at all.

“So your girlfriends are okay with it?”

“They’re not my girlfriends! I don’t have anyone I’m with currently.”

“Hmm, okay then, whatever you say.”

Rin caught on to Ai’s mischievous tone and gave a low chuckle.

“And what about you, Ai? Got anyone you’re seeing?”

“Of course not, I’m way too busy with work and Ayaka. Plus she can be super protective of me whenever I meet with a potential partner.” He sighed and laughed at the thought.

Rin only thought about how sweetly Ayaka was with him once she got comfortable. Does that mean she doesn’t think he’s a potential partner for Ai? This really wasn’t something he wanted to feel bitter about.

A couple minutes passed by before they were done with their coffee and decided to move onto the shopping mall. Ai was still a little nervous that people would want to crowd around Rin and interrupt their date.

Even so, they enjoyed the moments. Ai hadn’t gone to the mall in a long time. Mostly because he did not have the money to spend there. And he would admit that he can sometimes go overboard with the clothes he wants to buy. Rin was happy to cruise with him and go through shops. Of course whenever Ai showed a lot of interest in an item, Rin insisted on buying it for him. Ai would immediately refuse and claim that he was happy just looking around without buying anything. Rin just wanted to treat him. He loved the flustered look Ai would give when he told him he’d pay for something.

“Rin, please! I don’t want you to have to spend money on me!”

“C’mon Ai, just let me! If I’m as famous as you claim, you should know I got some extra cash I can use. Besides, there’s no one else I’d rather spend money on.”

“Rinnnn…” Ai gave a cute pout, similar to Nagisa’s.

Rin couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable Ai looked.

“Fine, but let me at least pay for food.” Ai insisted.

“No way, Ai. It’s all my treat on this date.” Rin assured. Ai crossed his fingers and looked down at the thought of the word ‘date’ and how Rin didn’t hesitate to call it that.

“Mm, then I get to treat you next time.” Ai hoped he wasn’t pushing it with suggesting a ‘next time’. Rin only looked very please at the idea.

“Alright, no problem. But I gotta warn you, I got expensive taste.”

  


 

 

Ai couldn’t believe how much Rin decided to spend on him. He even insisted on buying some things for Ayaka that Ai really liked. Then he treated Ai to a fairly expansive meal. Now he insisted in taking him all the way home. Rin was being too sweet. Or he was trying to buy him with all these things. Either way, this kind of spoiling made Ai feel both a little happy and a little guilty.

“So do you have to pick up Ayaka tonight?” Rin asked, making some small talk on the walk back to Ai’s place.

“Actually, she’s staying at the babysitter’s tonight.” Ai felt a little tinge of hope as his mind wandered to something a little more with Rin. He immediately looked the other direction, pretending he saw something in the distance in order to hide the red forming on his face from the dirty thoughts. He didn’t think he was going to suggest anything out loud. He wanted to say something else. “Thank you so much for today, Rin.”

“No problem, it was fun.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve been able to have a good time with someone else.” Ai sighed. “I missed this.” He added. He meant it in so many ways. He missed being able to take some times out of the house. He missed being able to go out like a teenager and just screw around and kill time. He missed being in the presence of someone he admired. He missed being with Rin.

“I can only imagine. Must be tough with your work life and parent life.”

“Ugh, it’s exhausting! But, I can’t say I regret anything. Ayaka is the world to me.”

Rin was feeling just slightly overwhelmed by the feelings stirring up inside him as he looked at Ai with such admiration, but also sympathy. Ai’s life had just turned out so differently than anyone would have expected. It was kind of odd, and Rin could only wonder what it was like on the poor boy. Rin’s own life had been going pretty much how he wanted it to since his last year of high school.  But as strong as Ai was, the younger boy was still struggling.

Rin couldn't help but bring the topic up again. “And what about Ayaka’s other dad? Did they just decide not to help you? Did they just bail out?”

Ai’s heart pounded as he heard the frustration in Rin’s voice. He could tell the older man really cared, but he could never figure out that his frustration was really directed at himself. Which was kind of funny because of the irony.

“He didn’t leave me just like that. I chose to have Ayaka on my own and not ask for anyone’s help.”

“But Ai, that dick could’ve done something too. It was also a responsibility he had to take on, even if he wasn’t forced to! I mean, you had to miss so much because of it.”

Ai had to admit, he felt a little warm hearing this, but it was all so cold at the same time. He did miss so much of his life. And the ‘dick’ Rin couldn’t name was himself. Ai let out a quick breath in hidden laughter at that. He would probably use this opportunity to complain a little.

“I guess it’s true, there’s a lot I couldn’t do with my life having to focus on my child.”

“Exactly” Rin agreed.

“Giving up school was one of the hardests. Though having to tap into my, umm, bottom... surgery fund for my pregnancy was a little heart-breaking. I won’t blame her, I will never blame her. I really don’t want to blame anyone, to be honest. It’s just a fate I’ve accepted.”

Rin was hurting a bit at how sad it all sounded, but he didn’t know what else to do but listen.

“And she’s healthy. She’s so smart. God, Rin, you should hear her more. She’s amazing! She’s so talented and courageous. And she perseveres more than anyone, she knows not to give up so easily!”

Rin chuckled. “Reminds me of someone.” He gave a proud smirk and pat Ai’s head, ruffling his hair some.  

“Hey!” Ai complained as he fixed his hair.

  
  


 

 

“Here we are.” Rin said as they finally reached Ai’s apartment.

“Umm, Rin… Do you want to come inside for a bit?” Ai was thinking about this suggestion part of the way home.

“Yeah, sure. If that’s okay.” Rin looked more than happy at the invitation.

As they stepped in, they felt the warmth of the small home. Ai quickly picked up some things left on the floor as Rin got comfortable, then offered a drink.

Ai stepped into the kitchen, not noticing that Rin was following right behind him. He gave a quick jump as he turned around and saw that Rin was right on him, leaning down and setting a small kiss on Ai’s tender lips.

“R-Rin!” Ai blushed deeply and set his fingers against his lips.

“Ai, I-” Rin paused. “Sorry, I hope that was okay… I’ve been wanting to do that all day.”

Why did Rin just love to stir up Ai like that. The lingering feeling of Rin’s lips against his own almost made him weak at the knees. It was ridiculous, but it was amazing.

Ai only did what he felt was the normal response. He set his hand behind Rin’s head, threading his fingers on the soft crimson hair, and brought him into a kiss. A deep kiss. Not only did he realize that this was kind of an embarrassing response, but also that his kissing was rather sloppy. Rin didn’t seem to mind though. He gladly accepted it as he clung to Ai’s hip with one arm and trailed the other up and down his back.

Ai hadn’t felt this much sensation in years. Yeah, he had tried to be like this with a couple guys within the last two years or so, but no one gave him this kind of stimulation. Even when he felt much more straight-forward with his actions. But it didn’t matter.

Ai gave a small whine against the other’s mouth as their tongues intertwined and shot heat straight to their groins. Rin wanted it too as he slid his hand down Ai’s back to his ass, giving a small squeeze as if to tease the smaller boy.  

Ai pulled away for a moment, holding onto Rin by the neck and looking into the deep-red eyes. He gave a small look like he was about to scold Rin. But instead he started giggling. The laughter just won him over and he couldn't help the happy feeling overcoming him. Rin let his hands stay on Ai’s hips and also let out a small chuckle as he watched the boy in his arms squirm with giddiness. Ai had let go of his hold on Rin’s head and buried his hands on the firm chest in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Rin.” Ai let out between small laughs. “It’s just… I don’t know, I feel so good with you.”

Rin felt this thumping in his heart as he kept his eyes on Ai. This boy was just perfect. He couldn’t realize this before, way back during his school days.

You could say it was too early since he got back to be feeling such strong emotions. But he couldn’t help it. He wants Ai. He’s been wanting Ai. Now there he was, laughing in Rin’s arms after a make-out session in the kitchen. It was too much. Instead of immediately replying, Rin scooped up the smaller boy in his arms, hooking Ai’s legs around his waist, and set him on the kitchen counter.

Rin locked his lips with the soft ones in front of his own, stopping the fit of giggles for a second before responding. “And you feel so good to be with.”

Ai tightened his grip on the shoulders of Rin shirt in embarrassment. Rin didn’t give him time before he was on Ai again, and the smaller boy was on him right back.

Ai realized once Rin’s lips were on his neck and his hand up his shirt and all over his chest that it was getting a little too heavy for a small kitchen countertop.

“Mmm, wait Rin.” Ai pushed his hand against Rin’s chest; enough to stop his light caresses and look Ai in the face as he waited for something more from the boy.

“I- Well I don’t think we should do this.” He blushed but paused right there in thought. He wanted more. God, did he want so much more from Rin. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to risk it. He didn’t want to get close when he knows that Rin will one day leave again to continue with his dream.

“Ai…” Rin sounded a little hurt, and Ai picked up on it. Rin spoke before Ai felt any pressure from the swimmer. “It’s fine, I understand. I just… I got carried away, I guess.”

Rin knew they were no longer horny college students craving some action. And he didn’t want to make Ai think he was taking advantage of him. It was also too soon. It was their first date since Rin’s arrival, and they hadn’t gotten to talk much during his absence. He wanted more from Ai. He really didn’t know what they were at that point. But a couple is definitely not a word he would use to describe their relationship, as much as he would love for it to be that way.

“No, no, Rin. I mean, I want to, I really do, but…” Wow, was Ai starting to feel awkward now. He was still on the counter with his legs hitched on Rin’s hips, crotches pressed together. He looked down as he realized that Rin was a little hard against Ai. He felt himself blush a deep scarlet as Rin’s gaze also led to their touch.

Rin realized how awkward it was and lightly let go of Ai. Much to his surprise, Ai only tightened his grip on Rin’s shirt. It’s like Ai’s body was reacting completely opposite of his thoughts.

“Umm, Ai-”

“You should stay. I mean, you should stay the night here… with me.” Ai averted his gaze out of shyness, and Rin felt as if the younger man just didn’t want to be left alone. Or he just desperately wanted Rin to be there with him. Either way, who was Rin to turn down such an offer.

Rin leaned forward and pressed his lips onto Ai’s forehead. “Alright, Ai.” He pulled back and helped Ai off the counter. Ai slowly scooted forward and onto the ground while still holding onto Rin. “How ‘bout we go watch something?”

“Sure.” Ai lightly smiled stood on his toes to peck Rin’s cheek with a kiss before leading him to the living room, forgetting the drinks he had meant to get.

They settled on the couch and pulled something up on Ai’s computer before they both dozed off in each other’s arms on the small, comfy cushions of Ai’s living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry this took so long, I recently moved and it's been hectic with school starting immediately after.  
> Thanks so much for the support on this story I love your comments and kudos please keep them coming ;u;


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorry this chapter took so long guys T-T  
> I hope I didn't lose you all during these past months ~

Aiichirou woke up with a slight cramp in his neck and a tingling foot. But that wasn’t going to stop him from feeling giddy over the man next to him. Rin looked so handsome as he slept. Even when he did have a little drool at the corner of his mouth. Ai sure sounded like an obsessive groupie when he thought that. 

Ai checks the clock before realizing it was early and he has a few hours before he has to pick up Ayaka. He snuggles back into Rin’s hold and thinks about the breakfast he should make for that morning. A few minutes later, Rin is waking up and stretching his arms over his head as Ai unwraps his arms from Rin’s waist and looks up at the man. Rin smiled at him after clearing his head from the night’s rest and leans forward to peck Ai’s beauty mark. Ai giggles and brings his lips forward to catch Rin’s, and Rin gladly melts into the cute gesture. 

“Mm, Ai. What time is it?” 

“Only half passed 8. Still pretty early.” 

“Hmm, can’t believe we ended up crashing on the couch.”

“Hehe, sorry I don’t have a luxurious king size bed with silk sheets for you.”

Rin gave a sly smile at that. “Nah, no need. It’s much more comfortable falling asleep on you.”

Ai looked away at that and tried to change the subject out of embarrassment. “So, how ‘bout some breakfast?”

Rin caught on to Ai’s reaction and red cheeks but decided to just agree to the breakfast instead of teasing the boy any more. “Sure”

Ai is the first to get up and walk to his little kitchen while Rin waits behind on the couch for a little longer. He couldn’t help but admire Ai and the way he walks over with small steps. The way he moves his hip. The way he softly hums as he fries a couple of eggs and gets all the other ingredients together. Rin realizes he might be going a little red as he stares.

Instead of feeling embarrassed about it, Rin stands up and walks over to Ai. He puts his hands on Ai’s shoulder as he sets the breakfast plates down, making the boy give a small shudder in surprise. He then slides them down to Ai’s waist, softly brushing his fingertips against him and through the thin shirt he had on. Ai relaxes into the touch as Rin keeps a warm grip on Ai’s waist and inches closer until his larger body is right against Ai’s back. Rin notices Ai going red in the cheeks and neck, and the younger boy doesn’t know what to do with his hands besides have them hovering over his tummy. Rin chuckles a little before setting his lips right under Ai’s earlobe, and Ai gasps a little at that.

Neither of them knew what to say, so Rin just keeps pressing kisses at the soft neck in front of him and kneading his fingers into Ai’s waist and hips. Ai can’t help but feel it straight to his groin, and he’s spinning out of control over it. 

The next thing they hear is a clatter and Ai giving a small shriek in surprise. Rin stepped back and saw Ai grab a bunch of napkins and the plate in front of him. They had been so into their little ministrations that Ai had set his hand down and tilted the plate of food, spilling most of it on the table. “Gosh, Rin, I’m so so sorry.”

“No, no, Ai. Don’t worry about that, it was my fault” Rin dashed forward to help Ai clean up the mess. “Look, the food is still good. Let’s eat”

“But it was all on the table-”

“No, Ai, it’s fine, I’ll eat it. You made it, let’s just sit down and enjoy it.” He gave Ai a small smile and took his hand. He led him to his seat and set down the better plate in front of him. 

Ai chuckled at Rin’s politeness. It was so cute, so endearing. Rin looked at Ai and smiled again. It made Ai melt every time. 

  
  


All they did for those next few hours was watch some internet show and throw yesterday's popcorn at each other until the time came to pick up Ayaka. 

“I’ll come along” Rin volunteered. Ai had felt a little smidge of hope that Rin would want to join him.

The walk wasn’t too far, only a few blocks away. “Rima-san is pretty close. Ayaka loves her. She just gets busy a lot so she’s not always available when I need a babysitter.” The turned a corner and already heard an excited little voice outside.

“Daddy! You’re here!” Ayaka runs up to Ai and hugs his leg tightly.

“Ayaka! What did I say about running outside like that!” An older woman yelled out, walking behind the little girl trying to catch up. She looked as if she was in her later forties. She wore slippers and a loose pink shirt over jeans with her hair in a messy bun. He face looked a little strict, like the type to lecture young men on the street. “Sorry about that Aiichirou. She missed you a lot.”

“Aww, don’t worry about it.” Ai gave a warm smile to the kind woman then ducked down to reach Ayaka’s height. “But remember, Ayaka, you have to listen to everything Rima-san says. So no running out here if she’s says not to, okay?” He pointed his finger at her, but made sure not to sound too stern on her. 

“Yes, dad!” She almost yelled and threw her arms around him. 

Ai giggled along with her and Rin couldn’t help but stare lovingly at the two. Long enough to not notice the smirk in Rima-san’s face as she noticed Rin’s expression. Rin was completely embarrassed when he looked back upwards and saw it.

“So who’s this handsome guy you got? Rima-san asked as Ai brought himself back up. 

“Oh, Rima-san, this is Matsuoka Rin! Rin, this is Rima-san.” Ai went a little red at not knowing how exactly to introduce Rin. “Friend” seemed a bit off, “boyfriend” seemed a little too hopeful. “Father of my child”, that one was best kept to only himself. 

“S’nice to meet you, Rima-san” 

“No need to sound so formal, Rin!” She answered. Ai wondered if she had recognized him, but she showed no signs of realizing who she was talking to.

“Well, we should get going now.” Ai spoke up before she started teasing the both of them. He knew how she could get sometimes.

They said their good-byes and Ai gave a couple of “thank yous” before they were off. Ayaka was still clinging to the fabric of Ai’s pants and looking up at Rin suspiciously. She ran right in front of Ai and stopped him in his tracks. She began to plead with her big blue eyes as her tiny arms reached upwards. 

“Ayaka, do you really need me carrying you all the way home at your age?” Ai gave a bit of a tired sigh. 

“Up!” She refused to answer his question. 

“Here, kid.” Rin began. He crouched down to her height and lifted his hands to touch his shoulders while looking her in the face. “How ‘bout a piggyback ride?”

Ayaka hesitated at first. It’s not like she had forgotten who he was. More like she was getting a little shy around him as she noticed how much closer this man was getting to Ai. 

“Come on. It’ll be fun.” He added. Ayaka decided to walk around him and proceed to climb on his back, her tiny hands reaching around the front of his neck to hold on for dear life. Ai giggled as Rin hoisted her up and bounced her on his back to give her a big smile of excitement. “Okay! Hold on!” He started lightly jogging to give her more of a thrill. Ai loved hearing her shrieks of excitement and picked up the pace to reach up to them. 

“Do it again!” She yelled as he began to slow down. 

“Okay, how ‘bout a little higher then?” He set her down and gave her an exaggerated pout as he saw the disappointed look on her face. That was immediately wiped off as she was picked up from behind and set on his shoulders. 

“So high!” she began shrieking in excitement again and pulled on Rin’s hair a little too roughly. 

“Ayaka, don’t be so rough on him.” Ai tried to calm her down. 

“Don’t worry about it, Ai” Rin gave him a reassuring smile. 

“Hehe, I thought you weren’t good with kids.” Ai giggled.

“Guess I’m a natural.” Rin replied. “Or Ayaka is just special. ‘Cause she’s your kid.” 

‘Your’s too’ Ai thought. He couldn’t help but get all dreamy eyed as he watched them play and bounce around together. It was utterly adorable, and Ai was super attracted to Rin at that moment. The way he played with her and made her laugh. It made Ai think a little too deeply. How nice would it be to have this forever. To have Rin there with them forever, so they could be a happy family. Rin would be an amazing father. Just like how Rin would talk about his own father. It seemed perfect. They were all walking home together; laughing and having a good time. Right after Rin and Ai’s special date the day before. Something in between their most intimate moments. And most importantly, how they’d both be there for Ayaka as she grows and matures. 

“Ai.” Snapped from his state of fantasies, Ai looked up a concerned Rin. He then realized he was passing his own apartment complex, not knowing where he was going. 

“S-sorry about that.” Ai ran back towards his apartment. 

“What’s up?” Rin questioned as Ai tried to get his front door open as Ayaka was playing with Rin’s hair.

“Nothing, just daydreaming.” He faked a smile but looked away, slightly embarrassed about it. They were hopeless thoughts. Ai knew it couldn’t happen. He couldn’t take Rin’s dream from him. He could never ask so much of Rin; he could never cause him so much trouble. He needed to stop with these fantasies. Because that’s all they will ever be.

“Ayaka, did you eat at Rima-san’s?” Ai changed the subject.

“I did!” She exclaimed while Rin was setting her back on the floor before running into the apartment. “Rima-san promised me ice cream afterwards.”

Ai made a face at that. “Now, Ayaka. You and I both know that out anyone, Rima-san would be the least likely person to promise you sweets. Especially cold sweets in this weather”

“Okay then it was Rin-chan who promised!” She yelled and pointed at Rin.

“Me?” Rin sounded confused as he pointed a lazy finger towards himself. “I mean, sure, I’ll buy us some ice cream.”

“Rinnnn…” Ai began.

“Guess we’re going back out then.” Rin pretended not to listen to get a kick out of Ai’s chiding face.

“Rin!” Ai scolded.

“Pleeeaase, daddy!” Ayaka begged. 

“It’s cold outside!” Ai reasoned. 

“How ‘bout we take it back to my place? There’s a working heater there. We’ll be nice and cozy”

“Rin-chan’s place!!” Ayaka yelled.

“Rin-chan?” Rin said lowly.

“Rin, are you trying to one-up me and be the cool dad?-” 

Oh no. That’s not how he meant to say it. Oh shit, did he give it all away there? A huge panic attack was building inside him as he felt his heart speed up and cold sweat start to form while the pit of his stomach was beginning to rumble-

“I’m not trying to take your child from you, I’m just am more fun” Rin gave a big grin and showed off his pointed teeth while giving Ai a flirtatious wink. It seems he didn’t take Ai’s words literally. Thank god. That would have been a huge mess. He looked back at Rin, who was getting his jacket back on and smiling down at Ayaka as she exclaimed to him about her favorite kind of ice cream. 

It shouldn’t be a problem. It’s been easy so far to hide this secret from Rin. Keeping it for the couple months Rin was going to stay would be a piece of cake. Instead of worrying, Ai tried swallowing that lump in his throat and clearing his mind as he watched Rin pick up Ayaka and take her out the door. Unfortunately, that lump in his throat would not go down so easy. And the anxiety he felt in his tummy would simply not rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I'm dragging this on? I don't know, but I had fun with this chapter!  
> Happy holidays!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear im trying my best to write these fast enough but life is rough a lot. thanks for sticking around!

Rin would visit Ai on some of his days off in his small apartment, playing with Ayaka and helping Ai with small tasks. Ai appreciated it, but he honestly felt it was a waste of Rin's time.

"Don't worry about it." Rin replied once Ai brought it up. "I don't really do anything when I'm not practicing my swimming and getting bugged by my family."

"Don't you hang out with the group?"

"They're busy with their own stuff. No fun." He said while playing with Ayaka, entertaining her with little gestures and throwing her in the air whenever she asked. "And it's so... I don't know... nice over here. So calming and mellow. I’d rather be here anyways" He added.

Ai didn't want Rin to see his little shy smile, so he turned towards the stove and continued stirring the rice. 

"Need any help?" Ai jumped at the sudden voice behind him, along with the hand that came down to lightly touch his waist.

"N-no, I'm almost done." He was in a hurry to prep the plates and ready the table. 

"Ayaka! Go wash your hands please!" Ai called out. "Rin, can you help her?" He added.

"Sure thing" He rushes over and scoops up Ayaka and held her belly face-down as she exclaimed in excitement about the rush she was getting. "Let's go Ayaka!"

"Rin, I really didn't expect you to be so good with kids." Ai giggled.

Rin held Ayaka up as she reached forward and sloppily washed her little hands with the kitchen faucet. "Are you kidding? I don't know anything about kids. They're terrifying, to say the least. I'm glad Ayaka's warmed up to me this easily, but I can't even imagine having one of my own."

Once again, Ai's heart dropped straight to his stomach. And there was that lump in his throat that was made him want to scream and speak the truth. To let Rin know. But he swallowed it down, like always. 

Ai didn't comment. "Come eat" He brought the plates to the little dining table. 

Ayaka hummed while digging into her food, meanwhile Ai cleaned up the pans and utensils.

"I'm going to get ready for work." Ai said. 

"I thought you weren't going to work today?" A slight disappointed look.

"I wasn't, but… I was called in again. It's been kind of bad there lately. I haven't been on good terms with my boss for some time now since he's been giving me more hours." The expression on Ai's face turned a little sour in frustration. But he still kept his voice soft in order to not give away too much emotion.

"Ayaka, when you finish, I'm going to take you to Rima-san's, okay?" Ai spoke normally after clearing his throat.

"Yes, daddy." She spoke up after swallowing a mouth full.

"Rima-san needs to take care of some paperwork, so can you promise me you won't cause her any trouble and do your practice work in her living room?" 

"Yes, sir!" She said firmly with a laugh afterwards.

"What about her day-care?" Rin asked.

"Well, it functions like a school. It's not open on the weekends." Ai sighed. It would be so much easier on him if he could just take Ayaka there. Especially since Rima's was the opposite way of his work.

"Hey, well if Rima's going to be busy, how 'bout I stay here and take care of Ayaka until you get back?" Rin offered.

Ai gasped. "N-no, thank you, Rin. But I couldn't possibly ask that of you. Plus, I'm going to be back pretty late."

"Don't worry about it, Ai." Rin smiled at the boy. "Ayaka would be in good hands"

"But, her dinner-"

"What you don't think I know how to cook?"

"I mean- uh- I've never seen you do so..." he trailed off.

"You think it was Gou who helped my mom around the kitchen when we were younger?"

"Pouring cereal doesn't count, Rin." Ai gave a teasing face.

"Oi.... don't be so rude. I can do way more than pour cereal." Rin retorted.

"Well, okay I guess." Ai chuckled."If you're sure you're alright with taking care of her." His eyebrows lifted and he bit his bottom lip.

"Of course I am. It'll be fun, right Ayaka?" He turned towards her. 

"Yeah!"  The little girl exclaimed, spilling some rice from her mouth.

"Oh, Ayaka, honey." Ai quickly grabbed a napkin to wipe the rice from her chin and mouth.

  
  


Rin might have been in over his head. With Ai not there, Ayaka was super energetic. Not because she was a troublemaker when her dad wasn't home, but because she had Rin all to herself. And she knew she could butter him up to get sweets and stuff out of him. That was way too smart for practically an infant. 

"How old are you anyway?" Rin asked Ayaka while sitting behind her and brushing her hair. That was just another thing she was able to get him to do for her with a pout that reminded Rin way to much of Ai's own cute pout.

"Uhh, two!" She shouted as she held up three stubby fingers. 

"You mean three?" Rin asked.

"No, two!" She held up her three fingers higher.

"So, two?" He held up two fingers to correct her. She only bounced her hand in the air with her three fingers still held high. 

"Two... I guess." He said in a low voice deciding not to argue with her anymore. 'What even are children?' Rin thought to himself while continuing to brush the little girl's hair. Even though he knew he had warmed up to Ayaka, he had no idea what he was doing. He didn't even know if he was supposed to style her hair in little pigtails or something. He just kept brushing the already soft and untangled hair. 

Ayaka hummed, playing with a little doll in front of her. Rin just kept brushing. Maybe she liked the sensation. Kind of like Ai. Whenever Rin would come over to watch a movie with them, Ai would cuddle into him while he stroked Ai's hair. Ai would hum at it sometimes too. He'd even give a little moan when Rin would run his entire hand up Ai's scalp. It always turned Rin on, but he had never suggested anything more, especially with Ayaka sitting there intently watching the films with them.

Rin snapped himself out of his little trance and looked down at Ayaka. "So... Ayaka. Do you know anything about your other father?" 

"Mm?" Ayaka didn't pause. Rin was sure she didn't understand the question. Maybe Ai hadn't talked to her about him, whoever he was. Maybe he didn't think it was right to make her wonder so much, or stress her out about it. Maybe she was just too young to hear it from Ai. 

"Um, nothing. Nevermind." He said. She continued to hum some nursery rhymes. Rin just couldn't stop thinking about these things.

"Do you know about any boyfriends your dad has had?" Rin stopped himself. Out of all things, did he really have to ask that?

"Boyfends...." Ayaka repeated, not really indicating any confusion as she continued to play with her toys in front of her. 

"Yeah... boyfriends." Rin continued even though he knew he shouldn't. "You know... like, guys he's really really close to. Who he hugs and kisses."

'God Rin, just shut up' he thought to himself while still awaiting an answer from the little girl.

"Sousuke-san!" Exclaimed the little girl.

'Sousuke? Sou?!' Rin thought. 'Did he and Ai...? Did they date?' 

"That motherfucker-" Rin slapped a hand over his mouth as the words came out, forgetting that such language is inappropriate for a little girl. It wasn't unexpected, but Rin felt the raging jealousy form in the pit of his stomach. Did they really date? Sousuke never told him anything, though it's not like they were keeping up with each other very frequently. They were still both the worst at keeping contact with friends. He and Ai haven't even officially dated. Or are they dating now? Rin didn't know what to call it. They haven't gone on a date since that first time he slept over. They've kissed a few times after their make-out session that first night. But there hasn't been much else. Even though Rin had been coming over more often. Rin hasn't been trying to actively pursue an official relationship with Ai. But if they could agree to be together, then it would be nice, Rin thought. 

He admits it. He wants to be with Ai. Romantically. Seeing Ai as a single parent; it reminded Rin of what he loves the most about the boy. That he was and continues to be the hardest working person Rin had ever met. That he keeps trying no matter how hopeless things seem to get. Just like the first year Rin spent with Ai. He was so encouraging and reassuring even though Rin made it clear how helpless he felt. He knew he didn't do enough to show how much he appreciated everything Ai really did for him. And how much it really helped him during that dark time.

It was his own fault that he wasn't already with Ai. He never expressed his want like he should have. He would practically lead Ai on in every encounter. Then he went and told him that a long distance relationship probably wouldn't work out. Instead he screwed around with different relationships. Ai did too, he guessed. But it really changed the boy's life. Meanwhile, those hook ups and such were meaningless to Rin right now. Maybe, Rin thought, if he had held onto Ai back then... If he could have told him he wanted to be with him, even if it was a long distance relationship, things would be different for Ai. He would be able to finish school and have a job teaching and inspiring children. Then a few years down the road, maybe the little girl named Ayaka would be Rin’s daughter too...

"Rin-chan!!" A high squeaky voice cut him from his thoughts. "I wan' watch cartoons!”

“Sure, I’ll turn on the TV for you.” Rin blinked after a few seconds. What was he thinking? Yes, he wants to be with Ai, he knows that now. But Ai never wanted a child. He never wanted to be biologically able to have a child. 

Rin had no idea how he was going to get Ai. They were for sure interested in each other, but Ai probably doesn’t really want anything between them. Not when Rin had pretty much previously rejected the boy. And not when Ai now had a child to worry about. 

He took a sip of his water sitting on the little coffee table in front of, mindlessly staring at the moving image on the screen, hoping to clear his mind.

  
  


Ai returned a quarter to midnight with light steps in fear of waking anyone up. Ai checked up on a sleeping Ayaka in the bedroom before he noticed Rin splayed on the couch dozed off in the darkness. Ai didn’t want to wake him up, but Rin had always been a pretty light sleeper, and he woke up the instant Ai started putting his things down, even though he tried his hardest not to make too much noise. 

“You’re back.” 

“I’m back…” Ai replied rather awkwardly. 

“How was work?” Rin asked, a grogginess in his voice from his sleepy state that Ai thought was always kind of hot. 

“Eh, I’m just waiting to get fired at this point,” Ai sighed and turned his head down as he sat on the couch after Rin made some room for him. His chin practically tucked onto the pit of his neck.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Rin scooted closer. Though he wasn’t sure exactly how much comfort he should show. 

“Nothing really, it’s just…” Ai paused. “I keep screwing up, I th-think. My boss doesn’t really like me, and he’s practically forcing me to work more hours when he knows I can’t.”

He almost sounded choked up. Rin could only set his hand on top of Ai’s, not knowing if the gesture was enough. But that’s all Rin could really do right now. 

“I-I’m sorry.” Ai whimpered. “I don’t mean to vent to you.”

“It’s okay” Rin said lowly.

Ai looked up at him, his eyes slightly glazed over from exhaustion. But he didn’t feel as tired. He couldn’t when Rin was right there trying to comfort him. His eyes looking straight into Ai’s with intensity. Ai’s mind went blank for that moment. So he leaned forward and brought his lips to Rin’s. Just like Rin would do for him occasionally during those past few weeks.

Rin’s first instinct was to lean forward too, and make the kiss more intense. So that’s what he did. He tasted Ai. He savored the flavor when he dragged his tongue along Ai’s bottom lip. 

Ai only whimpered, and that warmth in his belly was there again. “Rin…” He whispered onto the lips of the man he needed at that moment. 

It got intense fast, and Ai’s shirt was already bunched up by his collar bone as Rin dragged his tongue along Ai’s sensitive nipple. He didn’t hesitate to pull Ai’s shirt entirely off and play with the other one. 

It wasn’t until he let out a lust-filled moan because of Rin’s ministrations that Ai realized this was not what he should be doing. Especially with Ayaka in the next room and the thin walls of the small apartment. 

“Wait… Rin…” He let out, using his right hand to push Rin back lightly “A-Ayaka’s in the room. We can’t be so loud.” 

“Well then, I guess we got to be more quiet,” Rin answered and set a hand on Ai’s inner upper thigh, only a few centimeters away from Ai’s most sensitive area.

“No- that’s not what I mean” Ai said a little louder when Rin had begun to rub small circles there. Though he did not try to push Rin back this time. 

“Ai…” Rin rubbed at Ai a little more, before stopping his caress to tilt his chin up, noticing the deep red of his cheeks. “If that’s what you want, I’ll stop then”

“It’s just-!” Ai responded a bit too quickly, sounding more eager than he means to be. “I wish I could make you feel good too…” If there is anyway for his cheeks to get redder, he would probably look ready to pass out any second. 

Rin laughed, a big smirk plastered on his face. “It doesn’t take much. If it’s you.” He tried to play it off and seem cool, though he couldn’t hide the color of his own cheeks. 

“Rin… we just…” A pause. “We have to be quiet…”

“Not a problem” Rin’s grin widened and he set his thumb against Ai’s nipple once again to rub at it. Ai only gasped when he felt the other hand by his thigh again, but this time it didn’t hesitate to be set directly on his crotch. Rin only moved his fingers around a little teasingly at the boy’s entrance over his work pants. 

“We better get these off. Don’t want them getting all dirty.” Rin worked them off with ease, and tossed them wherever Ai’s shirt was thrown. 

“Rin…” Ai gasped when Rin teased him over his briefs. 

“I know… we can’t go all the way but… I want to make you feel amazing.” With that, Rin stood and took Ai by the hand, guiding him up as well. He sat back down, back towards one side of the couch to sit on it the long way. He guided Ai down again, making the boy sit on his lap. Ai’s still clothed ass made contact with a slight erection. He only gasped at the feel of the hardness coming from the man not sat behind him. Instead of getting more feeling to his own cock, Rin directed his attention to Ai, pushing his legs apart from behind. Ai arched a bit, the back of his head coming into contact with Rin’s left shoulder the moment Rin started playing with him again through his briefs. A wet patch was forming, and Ai only whimpered at the contact to keep the noise down. But god, was Rin really getting him so wet so fast. 

“Mmm…”, Rin just kept rubbing at him through the briefs, and Ai wanted to  _ beg.  _ Though his whimpers were enough to let Rin know what he needed. And with that, Rin stopped his caresses for a small moment only to put his hand into the tight navy blue underwear, now dragging his long fingers along the lips of Ai’s pussy. Ai only got louder. Rin brought his other hand up and set two digits on Ai’s bottom lip before said boy started licking and sucking at them. Just the sensation on Rin’s fingertips made a shiver run through his body. He wanted to take his hard dick out of his pants and rub it against the soft entrance he was playing with. But he stopped himself. He just wanted to make Ai feel pleasure. He wanted to focus on the boy, his sexy moans, his needy whimpers, his pleasure-filled gasps. 

Rin thrust his fingers into the heat of Ai’s pussy. He brought his other hand down and away from the hot mouth to rub two saliva-covered digits on Ai’s clit. “Rin!” A louder moan came from the boy. He shuddered and slapped a hand across his mouth when he realized how loud he’d gotten. But god, was the feeling so good. 

It was a feeling so desired and much needed on Ai’s part. Ai would play with himself from time to time, imagining a thick cock like Rin’s thrusting into him and making him crazy. And as much as he wanted a boyfriend, or sometimes just anybody to do it for him, he never had the time, or the courage to put himself out there. This pleasure now was the only real pleasure he’s gotten since he was last with Rin.

For a brief moment, he felt a little pathetic. Rin had a lot more experience. He must’ve had dozens of partners in Australia. Hell, he was kind of a celebrity already. People are lining up for him left and right. What could Ai give Rin that’d ever make him the least bit more special?

“God, Ai… you’re so into this.” The thought was pushed to the back of his mind when Rin got a little rougher on him, and Ai felt a jolt of heated pleasure go through him. He clamped down on Rin’s fingers on the brink of orgasm. He didn't even realize exactly when he started rocking his hips to get more of Rin, but he didn’t stop. He was rubbing his ass against the now most likely painful erection still trapped in Rin’s pants. He couldn’t help Rin at that moment. All the pleasure was focused on just Ai himself and he was ready to come just for Rin. 

“Come on, Ai. You can let it out.” Rin whispered and bit down on Ai’s ear. Ai lost it at that moment, and his legs shook as he orgasmed, clamping down on Rin again. His head fell back on Rin’s shoulder as the peak of the pleasure dragged on. 

“Ai…” Rin gasped when Ai rutted against him a little harder during his high. He continued to hold it in as Ai was beginning to calm down and get his breath back. Rin watched Ai’s profile for those moments. The face he made when he came, the ragged breathing. How he kept his eyes closed as he whined at the still small caresses from the fingers spreading his slick across his pussy lips. 

“Hah… Rin…” Rin dropped his head to Ai’s neck, kissing it lightly, and soon after passionately dragging his lips all over it. Ai was just lost in the sensation of it all. 

Rin took his hand out of the tight briefs and brought it up to his mouth, tasting the wet digits. Ai didn’t even realize the embarrassing gesture in time, still trying to calm himself down. When he was more composed, he realized there was still a hard cock against his backside. 

“Rin! W-what about you?” Ai stuttered and turned himself around, now straddling Rin’s waist. It didn't help that he sat directly on the erection, making Rin’s voice crack a little bit with his response.

“Don’t worry about me. This was especially for you.” 

“Rin… I want to make you feel good too!” Ai decided to be just a little bold and grind down on Rin. And really, how could Rin deny his offer. Especially when the younger boy was acting up like this. 

“Mmm… Ai” He moaned. “Tell you what, let’s go clean you up, and you can help me in the shower?”

Ai’s smile brightened, looking a little over-eager. With that, they shuffled over to the bathroom, making as little noise as possible, and practically ripped their clothes off to start fooling around in the shower together. 

“Just make sure to keep it down.” Ai teased, a hand already on Rin’s cock. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about me” Rin said with a hand set on Ai’s waist, already sliding downwards once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha dont worry guys its coming


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dang

A fresh morning; the sun is out though it’s partly cloudy. The sun shines through Ai’s little apartment window in his bedroom, waking him up in the comfort of a taller man’s arms. He feels Rin under him, fresh and clean after the shower the night before; after the release he had built up from playing around with Ai’s body. The thought made Ai feel warm from embarrassment. Rin was still there after a hook up, sleeping under him on his couch that wasn’t even suited for one person to sprawl their entire body on. Ai thought of their activities the night before, and how they spend a good amount of time in the shower just touching each other and bringing the other pleasure without going all the way. It was like a dream, to be with Rin like this. Though he wished it was in a nicer place with more room and comfort, not this compact living area he had for himself. Ai looked at Rin with his head in an angled position that would probably give him neck pains when he woke up. Ai lifted himself up from the man under him, waking him up in the process.

“Aiiii…” Rin groaned and pulled the smaller man back onto him. Ai’s face was now on Rin’s chest while he held him down with his arms in a soft embrace.

“Rinnn… I need to go make breakfast and get ready!” Ai complained.

“Just five more minutes, Ai. Just like this” He tightened his grip for a split second to emphasize what he meant. And Ai couldn’t help it. He melted into the embrace. And after about a couple minutes, he shifted upwards towards Rin’s face, and he happily let him, loosening his grip. Ai went face to face with Rin, staring at the red droopy eyes right below him. Ai leaned in, and kissed him. Rin let him do all the work. Ai felt a little bold doing this, so he just kept going. He kissed Rin some more. It didn’t become more than lips touching gently and repeatedly, and they were okay with that. It was a long, deep kiss, and they just kept at it. Until Rin decided to bite into Ai’s lip, in which case Ai felt the need to lick at the other’s. From there, it was just a full on sleep drunk make out session.

“Daddy…” A small, groggy, childish voice interrupted, making Ai pop up from his position straddling Rin to walking up to the little girl. “Where’s my clothes?”

Ai’s face dropped. What a terrible father he was, he thought, losing his mind to the pleasure the night before and not putting out Ayaka’s clothes for the next day like a parent should. “Oh… Ayaka, goodness, I forgot. I’ll get those for you right now!” He scurried into the room.

Ayaka stayed in the living room, eyes intently on Rin, who was still on the couch with a look on his face that looked as if he was wondering where the wonderful weight on top of him went. “What are you doing?” She laughed at Rin’s awkward expression.

“Umm…” His voice really groggy and awkward. “Just, waiting around, I guess.”

“For what?”

“For Ai to get back.”

“Why?”

“Because I miss him”

“He’s right here!” She points towards the room.

“Well, yeah. But…” How was he going to explain to this two year old how much he wants to just have Ai forever. How since he came back and reunited with him, he’s been missing him every minute they’re apart. Gosh, Rin sounded so love struck it was embarrassing.

“I just miss him in my arms” He crosses his arms onto himself and lays there staring at the ceiling. He’s been home almost half his stay. He’s done a lot; catching up with the Iwatobi boys, doing _a lot_ of swimming practice, and being with Ai.

Though he’s still not romantically _with_ Ai, and he doesn’t know if he will get to be.

Ayaka continued to stare at him, and he just laid there until Ai came back out to get Ayaka and help put on her clothes. Rin got up and decided he’d at least help with the breakfast preparations.

  


Ai paced back and forth. He felt anxious as he thought things over.

It was after his shift one weekday, and Ayaka was quietly doing some coloring at the little coffee table. Rin had left for his evening swimming practices.

Things were kind of building up on him. The stress, the pressure, the emotions. He thought of his job, and how his boss was a huge part of his stress. He thought of Ayaka, and how he has to endure everything for her, because he wants to; because she is everything to him. He thought of Rin, and how he has been with him, been touching him, been ravishing him, been comforting him. But they don’t even have a clear label to their relationship. How would he know if Rin is also messing around with other people. How would he know if he was just a temporary fling for Rin.

No. Rin has never been the type to do these things, and he knew it. Really, it was his anxiety creating these accusatory scenarios. The guilt washed over him, so he decided to do some house cleaning and go through the mail to get his mind off of everything.

It was less helpful than he’d hoped, Ai thought as he shifted through the mail that held many bills and other responsibilities he had to take care of. Things he struggles to be able to pay for every time. Especially since his overtime money wasn’t being given to him completely lately. It was difficult to get by. He never thought he would hate the way his life was going at that point. But it didn’t matter what he thought. For the time being, he had to make sure Ayaka is provided with and that she’s not missing anything.

“Ayaka, what are you drawing?” Ai sat down on the floor next to her on the little table, taking a break from it all.

“Rin!” She exclaimed and held up her drawing of a large headed stick figure with messy red hair. He smiled at that.

“You really like him, don't you?” Ai wonders.

“Yes! He’s fun!” She practically yells. “You like him too, daddy! A lot!”

He gives her a bit of a look. “Well, how do you know that?”

“Because he likes you a lot too!”

Ai blinks at that. Well, Ai thought, with the way they talk and flirt, yeah, it makes sense that she says that. But… if only he could know if that was true or not.

Still, he laughed and brought her into his lap. “How are you so smart for only a three year old…” He looked down to her, and she looked up at him with this wondrous look in her eye. He felt this little bit of pride, and a boost of confidence. So if Rin did like him so much, there was a chance at an actual relationship. There didn’t have to be so much doubt. But then there was the deal with him being the actual father of Ayaka. It scared him, the fact that he was already getting so much closer than he intended them to be, but he could not resist it. So far, he hasn’t been suspicious, right?

“Ughh… I need to stop thinking so much” He lightly drops his head on top of Ayaka’s.

“Fends!” The small voice below him spoke.

“What?”

“Teacher says that you should always talk to your best fwends when you need help”

Ai’s eyes widened a bit. His friends… but what exactly did he want to say?

He only smiled and squeezed Ayaka in his lap. “You’re so good!” He spoke loud and laughed along with her giggles from his affection and tickles.

  


Ai’s stress wasn’t getting any better the first time his manager threatened to fire him. It wasn’t fair. He’d been working there for almost two years, but something had changed in the man that hired him the first time, and the newest manager at the shop was really out to get him, it seemed. Ai couldn’t help it. But was he just also clumsier than before? He wasn’t sure what it was, but he was on the verge of being thrown out of his own work place. He thought about asking Rin over, mostly to provide comfort, though he wasn’t going to tell him that directly. He hadn’t actually seen the swimmer in about a week. He wanted the distraction. But he felt it was a nuisance to just call him over. Ai felt his problems weren’t worth Rin’s time at the moment. He had to keep training, even on his time off. Really, he called these months a vacation but he could not get out of his practices.

Instead, he picked up the phone and called someone he had become pretty close to through the years.

“Ai-chan?” A deep, warm voice answers the phone in a matter of seconds.

“Makoto-san” Ai’s voice is calm, soothing. Nothing to make the other worry about him over the phone.

“Ai! How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while” Makoto was right. Ai’s been even busier during those months. With his job making him work more and still needing to keep on top of everything for Ayaka. And then there was Rin, who he drowned himself in whenever he had the extra time.

“Oh, I’m good, thank you! I’m sorry I haven’t been contacting you or anything… it’s been... p-pretty busy.” His voice changed only slightly as he stuttered that last part. But it was enough to have Makoto on the other line question him.

“Ai? Is something wrong?” Ai didn’t feel like venting over the phone. He sighed.

“Um, well it’s nothing big. But, Makoto-san… I was wondering if you’d like to grab something to eat with me later?”

Makoto gave a warm smile Ai couldn’t see, but knew was there. “Sure, Ai. Just tell me the time and the place.”

  


Ai almost felt a little guilty for dragging someone out just because he wanted someone to talk to. But he was happy to have people be there for him. He hadn’t seen many of them in a while. Not even Sousuke had been around Ai much. They were probably letting Rin have Ai to himself in those months.

“Ai-chan!” He heard a voice above him in the booth of the little coffee shop he sat waiting at.

Makoto stood there, giving a little bow, as he knows Ai likes to do with them. Haru stood right beside him. He didn’t know the other was going to join them, though he didn’t mind. He trusted Haru a lot more than he initially thought he would.

“Makoto-san! Haru-san! Hello! Please, sit down” Ai gestured towards the empty booth seat in front of him.

“An interrogation?” Haru comments.

“Oh, Haru, he just wanted to see us.” Makoto kept that warm smile, but he also seemed a little concerned. “We haven’t done anything together in a while.”

A nervous laugh “Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy.” Ai gave a deep sigh and looked down to his coffee, not realizing the exhausted and thoughtful look he was giving.

“Ai” Makoto began, “did you want to just see me?”

“I told you I shouldn’t have tagged along” Haru almost scolded.

“No, I do want to see you!” Ai waved his hands in front of his body. “Both of you! I’m sorry if I seem a little down”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No- I mean, it’s nothing really.” Ai lies.

“Ai” Haru calls out, staring at the boy across the booth with that still expression, but serious look in his eyes. Haru hardly ever really called him by his name. He mostly just spoke directly to him without addressing him. Ai widened his eyes before he looked down at his hands, leaving his coffee to rest and cool down. He really just did not want the two in front of him to notice his already shaking hands.

“I’m sorry. I called you to meet out of selfish reasons. I was just feeling a little down lately… a-and I really did miss you. I just- I needed some company.”

“Ai…” Makoto sounded a little heartbroken. “Please don’t ever think that’s selfish of you. We’re here for you, and we want to listen to anything you need to get off your chest, right Haru?” The other nodded in response, still intently looking at Ai.

Ai looked back into both their eyes, and remembered why he was so happy to know them. Not just because they mean a lot to Rin, though that was probably all it was to him in the beginning. But also because they were just incredible people willing to do almost anything for someone they love. Ai liked to think of himself as someone they love, even though sometimes his insecurities made him doubt it. But they were right there, not just because they were nice enough to show up, but because they knew Ai needed something, needed someone, and wanted to help.

Ai took a moment. When he looked back up, he had a small smile on his face. It was an appreciative smile. It wasn’t one of those huge genuine smiles he gives often. It was soft and slight, but still very real, and both Haru and Makoto knew this.  

“Now,” Makoto spoke up, “you can say anything you want to us, we really mean it when we say we’re here for you.”

Ai sighed again, smaller. “I know.” So he explained a part of his pains, and why he was struggling at work and therefore struggling with his future with Ayaka.

“Sounds really rough. I’m sorry, Ai.” Makoto was sincere, a hand placed on Ai’s atop of the cafe table.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine, I just get worried…”

“It’s reasonable for you to be worried, but I know your anxieties can get the best of you.” He rubbed a thumb against Ai’s hand. Haru silently nodded again.

“You’re strong though, Ai. You can make it! You’ve made it this far all on your own as a single parent too!” Makoto continued to reassure Ai, almost making said boy blush like crazy in the middle of the cafe.

“Thank you, Makoto-san, Haru-san.” He blinked slight tears out of his eyes.

Haru was also giving a small smile, one that Ai greatly appreciated.

“So how are things with Rin?” Ai could swear there was something devious about that question, but there is nothing devious about Makoto. It was a genuine question.

Ai thought for a little. It was about something that never could leave his mind for the past couple of months, ever since Rin's arrival.

“About Rin… See I-” He paused.

“Are things not going well?” Makoto worried.

“No! We’re fine. Really fine actually…” He fumbled with his fingers on his lap. “Not like we’re officially dating or anything” He added when he saw the slight change in their expressions.

“I’m afraid of that actually. Of actually being in a relationship with him now when he’ll have to leave again soon. He'll tell me he doesn’t want anything more than a friendship.”

“But you guys are obviously infatuated with each other. You should hear the way he speaks to us about you.” Makoto giggled.

“Oh gosh… I just… I don’t want him to feel obligated to be with me. I don’t want him to feel like he owes me anything…” Ai mumbled the last bit, but it was heard loud and clear.

“What do you mean ‘owe’ you?”

A deep breath, and Ai spoke. “Ayaka… she turned three years old about half a year ago, as you know, since you were there for her party” Ai added as he fondly remembered the little cake Haru had especially baked for her, with a decorative fish made of frosting on the top. “Well, when she was born, she had been a bit overdue, and it was about nine and a half months after that party we threw for Rin and his visit from Australia…” He was getting red as a cherry, feeling embarrassed about how he was describing everything.

Makoto wasn’t quite catching on, continuously giving the same confused stare. And who knows what Haru was thinking. “So… Ayaka was” Makoto mumbles. Ai let him put together his words. “Ayaka was conceived... that night of the party, when you and Rin disappeared.”

Makotos eyes had this special glint the exact moment he realized what that all meant, and his mouth opened wider than Ai thought possible for the man. “RIN IS-”

“Shhh, Makoto-san! Please!” Ai interrupted, waving his hands in front of the other’s face.  

“I can’t believe I didn’t know this!” Makoto’s voice many times quieter. “You and Rin… Rin is… Ayaka’s other father. Haru! Did you hear that!?”

Haru had stayed silent during all of Makoto’s reaction. He finally spoke up a second later. “It’s about time you confirmed it.”

“Ehh?!” Ai jolted.

“Haru, you knew!?” Makoto was shocked.

“If you do the math on the dates and see through the little white lies.” Haru explained calmly. “Rin was the only option for Ayaka’s father.”

“But wait, the math! You told me she was an early birth!”

“That was one of the white lies I was talking about” Haru responded.

“I-I’m sorry, Makoto-san. I was afraid. I didn’t want you guys telling him. I didn’t want him to drop everything, his dreams, for a mistake we made one night. I wanted to keep Ayaka, and I love her to death. And if I can do it on my own, then I will not ask him to help.”

“But Ai, I think he deserves to know he has a daughter.”

“He does deserve it! But look at him, he’s so close to his dream! I can’t take that from him. Just like how his dad gave up his dreams for the family.” Ai felt tears build up, be he didn’t let them run.

“Ai…”

“We can't interfere, Makoto.” Haru spoke. “This is all up to Ai, and he doesn’t want to tell Rin.”

“Yes, of course I understand, I just… I feel bad for Rin.”

“I’ll tell him one day.” Ai promised. “Just not anytime soon, not when he’s so close.”

Ai stayed thoughtful, and Makoto looked plenty worried. Still, Haru was the one that took the lead in understanding Ai and his decisions, and reassuring him in a way that did not feel so in his face.

Ai was so grateful, and he felt better about his decisions. It was something huge off his chest, even though the truth was only out to two of his closest friends. Even so, Ayaka was right. That’s what he needed most then.

  


In life, unfortunately, things don’t always go as well as hoped. And sometimes hard work is taken for granted or goes unnoticed. Ai was afraid this was some sort of bad karma. He was _this_ close to getting fired, as his new manager had told him. And he couldn’t do anything about it. He was so overwhelmed, and he felt foolish. Rin had stayed the day taking care of Ayaka once again, and noticed how exhausted and depressed Ai had been the second he came home.

“I’m sorry, Rin” _I’m sorry for being so weak,_ Ai thought as he accepted the embrace the other man offered.

“It’ll be okay” Rin whispered to him as he held him from behind while both on their sides in the comfort of the small bed in Ai’s room, while Ayaka was sleeping soundly in the other small bed. Rin still wasn’t that good at cheering up and dealing with people, so sometimes he felt a little awkward. But he at least knew that affection and kindness works on Ai like nothing else. So Rin tried his best, all while drowning in the sappy feeling he had because of Ai in his arms.

And it was easy to get the smile out of Ai. They would kiss each other, lips connecting but nothing more than that for a part of the night. Ai felt this tightening in his stomach, thinking of how Rin would leave in no time. But for the time being, Ai felt him. He wanted more. Not just more touching, which was what he deeply craved some nights he was with Rin. He simply wanted to put the label on their relationship that assured that they were together.

 _Ai, calm down._ He thought to himself. _Even if it could happen, you can’t focus on that right now._ So for the time being, he convinced himself to be positive, and only enjoy.

And then comes back the reminder that life is never as positive as hoped.

It wasn’t until the next week that worse came to worst and Ai had come home, his face in slight shock. The second he shut the door, he leaned his weight against it, his back to the cold, worn wood. He could not perceive who was in the room, and what was being called out to him. All he could feel was the tears now running down his cheeks. And the burning in his throat as he wanted desperately to croak out words but simply could not.

There was a light, yet deep voice. It was pleading for Ai to calm down and talk. But the ringing in Ai’s ears came and went, and he had no idea how to process words.

Rin was in the room, again after a night of watching Ayaka for a few hours. The second he had seen Ai’s face as he walked in the door, he knew things were not okay. After Ai had started crying and hyperventilating, Rin was on his feet.

Ai was almost wailing, his voice was strongly resonating through the room, and Rin was afraid to have to encounter a worried Ayaka.

Rin quickly wrapped the younger boy in his arms, and Ai let his knees go weak as Rin helped him to the couch.

“Ai, can you talk to me?” Rin wasn't sure what to do at the exact situation, he was still so awkward with feelings and confrontation. But he remembered what Ai would try to do for him whenever Rin was upset the first year they met and roomed together. Rin would, of course, reject most of the physical affection Ai would offer in the beginning. But now Rin tried to mimic Ai’s kind gestures if it helped.

Rin placed and awkward hand at Ai’s back and rubbed soothingly. Ai sniffled and tried to hold back sobs that would get the best of him and be forcefully choked out.

“It’s- just…” He couldn’t speak.

“Is it your job?”

There was a slight nod of Ai’s head, and Rin knew that confirmed his suspicions.

“Did you lose your job?”

Ai choked up again, and Rin was afraid he sounded insensitive. So he brought Ai in closer and let the boy weep into his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Ai”

Ai just continued to cry, and Rin let him. It died down a bit with the help, and Ai tried to get some kind of composure back. When he was no longer sobbing but instead breathing deeply to calm himself down, Rin nudged Ai's face upward to place a kiss atop of his head.

“Thank you, Rin.” Ai said with a broken voice; one that pained Rin to hear.

“It’ll be okay, Ai. You’ll find another job someplace better.” Rin tried to reassure.

“Sure,” Ai started, and inhaled a quick, painful breath. “If anyone is looking to hire… a screw up like me.”

“Ai, don’t say that!” Rin remembered back when he would use such phrases on himself, and how Ai would almost angrily yell at him about how it all wasn’t true.

“Rin, I am a screw up” He blinked tears out of his eyes. He was afraid he was going to lose the little bit of composure he had obtained. “I can’t take care of a job- I can’t take care of Ayaka this way.”

“Ai, you’ll be fine… you can-”

“Rin… I can’t afford much of anything” Ai paused often to catch his breath. “Ayaka needs to live a good life- This isn’t healthy for her. I won’t be able to feed her… She won’t be able to live happy… we could be on the streets-”

“Ai!” Rin knew Ai’s anxiety was getting the best of him again, and it kept hurting Rin to hear all these thoughts. He didn’t know exactly what to say. “I can promise that won’t happen.”

“Rin… how could you know?” Ai raised his voice. “You live so comfortably… you don’t have to worry... about money like this... You’re so successful and only getting more so.”

“Ai…”

“People stuck in my situation work too hard all by themselves to just barely make it… it hurts…”

Ai was crying again, not as harshly as before, but he was just sad now. He felt he was being cruel, but his filter was a little weird.

Rin stayed silent for a moment longer before he spoke up. “You’re right. You are doing too much all alone, but you shouldn’t be!” He started.

“It’s not fair that you have to be a single parent, working your ass off while whoever knocked you up is just somewhere else not taking responsibility!”

Rin was getting heated, and Ai was hearing every word coming out of his mouth, not sure how to respond while this dizzy feeling overcame him once again.

Ai looked down, trying to get rid of some of the lightheadedness.

“You need to get a hold of him! Take it to court even!-”

“Rin!” A rough, quick inhale.  “You don’t understand-”

“What is there to not understand? You shouldn’t have had to go through everything on your own in the first place! He abandoned you didn’t he?! Whoever the bastard other father is!”

“Rin, please!”

“Ai, you’re suffering from the stress, but it wasn’t your mistake alone.”

A shuttering breath came from Ai, and his voice was stuck in his throat again.

“He should be at least sending you money, that piece of shit!” Rin went on, and Ai was feeling nauseous. It was all so much… it was agonizing.

“Rin!” Another painful breath. “That man-”

“Needs to give you what he owes! You can’t keep doing-”

“IT’S YOU!”

There was silence in the room. The volume had startled Rin. Ai was probably a little too loud, and it’s possible that he woke up a sleeping Ayaka in the room. But he couldn’t process his actions and words in his head before they came out.

So he kept going.

“What are you talking ab-?”

“It’s you… Rin…”

Ai didn’t try to stop himself, he just felt sick, and he wanted to stop the aching.

“What?”

Ai was breathing quickly and heavily as he said his words.

“It’s you you’re talking about Rin.” Ai shuddered with a deep inhale, and both his and Rin’s hearts dropped when he continued.

“You’re her father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would really appreciate feedback!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that you guys are so sweet and thank you so much for the comments on the last chapter!

Silence. Except for a ringing sound in Ai’s ear. 

He wasn’t sure how long nothing was said. He wasn’t even sure what the last thing that had come out of his mouth was. All he knew was that he probably said the wrong thing. 

More silence…Until he heard the man next to him speak up.

“...What?” It was a soft but forced question. It was obvious that Rin had no other way of responding.

So Ai continued, whether it was conscious or unconscious, he answered Rin.

“Rin… You’re her father.”

“What?! What are you talking about?!” This time, Rin’s response was much faster to come. “What do you mean? Ayaka is…”

“She’s...” Ai’s tears were welling up for the hundredth time that night, “your daughter.”

Rin stared at Ai, and Ai could only look down, his head tilted as if in shame. He was crying again, and Rin didn’t know what to feel. Was it some kind of joke? What was this all of a sudden?

“Ai… what are you saying? How could that be true?!”

Ai hiccuped, more tears streaming down. 

“I’m sorry… Rin… You don’t have to believe me…” he cried, “It’s just been so hard, but that’s all my fault for not telling you sooner.”

“But how can it be? How are you so sure…” 

It hurt Ai that Rin was questioning him so much. He probably wishes it to be untrue. But why would Ai be lying? What could he gain at that moment from lying about it. 

Ai inhaled deeply, trying to get a voice back. “You’re the only person… I’ve ever had sex with,” he began.

A pause. “It was that night…” Rin mumbled 

“Mm… you remember. We were pretty caught up in the moment and-”

“...we didn’t use protection… Shit.” Rin finished and turned away, feeling like a complete idiot for letting that happen.

“My medication didn’t work. I wasn’t cautious enough to even look for a plan b.”

Ai was getting back his composure, but he was still so broken. It was too late, and he couldn’t go back now. And he didn’t know how they were going to go forward. 

Rin was silent again. He hung his head in thought. Ai would only glance at him in that period from time to time, too afraid of catching Rin’s eyes with his own. It wasn’t until Ai started to feel really anxious about the silence that he tried to speak up. 

“Rin-”

“I need… some time to think” Rin stood up as he finished the last bit, already looking towards the front door as a means of escape. 

“Wait- Rin!” Ai cried as Rin started walking towards the door. “Please!” 

“I’m sorry Ai… I just need to clear my head a bit…”  He never looked at the crying boy reaching out for him in the eye. “I’ll be back” He added as a mumble he wasn’t sure was heard. 

“Rin… please don’t go…” Ai croaked, a strong pressure pushing onto his chest, making his heart feel too heavy in his body.

‘I didn’t mean to say anything. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way’ Ai thought with a hand clenched on his shirt. His knees had gone weak the second he stood up and saw Rin rush out the door. They finally gave in. He dropped to the floor and sobbed. He wailed; he was so afraid of what was to come. He might have just lost Rin. ‘It’s all my fault’ Ai thought. He laid there and cried, and he couldn’t get back his composure no matter how hard he tried. 

He laid there and sobbed until he lost consciousness. He was passed out on the floor for a couple of hours until he woke up and forced himself back to his everyday reality. That was that he had to get up early in the morning to prepare breakfast before taking Ayaka to school.

  
  
  


‘Where the hell did I end up?’ Rin thought to himself. He had wandered off lost in thought until he had come across a familiar area, and it wasn’t his own residential area. He kept walking until he reached the familiar door. Not being as civilized as he should be, he banged the side of his fist against the hard wood. 

“OPEN UP!” 

There was no response for a minute, so Rin continued to pound loudly. “C’mon! Before one of your neighbors calls the cops on me!” 

Finally an answer came from the other side. A tired and groggy Makoto opened the door, rubbing his eyes and giving the man before him a confused look. “Rin? What are you doing here?”

“Just let me in. Please.” 

“Yeah, sure. I mean, it’s just-”

“Do you know what time it is?” A slightly cranky looking Haru spoke from their main hall’s entrance. 

“Whatever. I need to talk to you guys.”

“It’s four in the morning. People shouldn’t be awake at four in the morning.” Haru ignored Rin’s demands. “Can’t this wait.”

“No!” Rin shouted as he let himself into their living room. “I mean… Please, just listen to me here.” He actually pleaded, much to Haru and Makoto’s surprise. He was desperate and needy at that moment. Even though Rin tried to hide his face. They knew him well enough. 

“I’ll get us some tea. Rin, why don’t you sit down?” Makoto gestured toward their couch. 

Haru followed after Rin towards the living room, waiting for Makoto to get back from the kitchen. 

“You’re not looking good” Haru said once he sat down and stared at Rin, who was still hanging his head quite a bit.

“Well I’m not too fucking good right now” Rin retorted. 

“You’re the one that got us up at such an early hour, you’re not the only bothered one here,” Haru shot back.

“Okay you know what?! What do you know?!-”

“Please guys, don’t start a fight so early.” Makoto interrupted as he stepped into the room with everyone's mugs.

“Rin, drink up. And tell us what’s on your mind,” Makoto handed him the drink.   

Rin blew into the steaming cup before taking a small sip. He paused, and only stared into it for the moment before putting it on the center table and speaking up.

“Ai told me.”

There was a slight tremble in both Makoto and Haru, and they didn’t know what to do. They could have pretended they didn’t understand, or they could tell him everything they knew. 

They thought about it for too long. 

“I’m guessing you two already knew.” Rin said after noticing their hesitation to answer. 

“Rin- haha, what are you talking about?” Makoto tried to play it off a little, obviously having no idea what he wanted to reply.

“Makoto. Ai must have realized it was time to tell him.” Haru interrupted. 

“No!” Rin barked, “He didn’t want to tell me. He blurted it out! He wasn’t planning on telling me, was he?!”

“Rin, he really did want to but-”

“Why would he keep this from me? Why would you guys keep this from me if you knew?!”

“It was Ai’s decision not to tell you.” Haru answered. “We were respecting his wishes.”

“But you guys are my friends! Have some faith in me!” Rin had gotten up from his seat, feeling raged now. “How could he keep something so important from me for all these years? That Ayaka is… Ayaka is…”

“Your daughter”, Haru finished. 

“My… daughter…” Rin tried to calm his breath. He looked so shocked as he stared downwards with his eyes wide open at this realization. Haru and Makoto weren’t really too sure how to console him. It was a really complicated situation, and they couldn’t really pick a side.

“Rin”, Makoto spoke up after Rin was calming down from his previous yelling, “It’s going to be okay. In truth, Ai only told us everything more recently. We didn’t really know much before you.”

Rin didn’t reply. He had sat back down, looking devastated.

“This is… too much…” Rin finally spoke lowly. They all stayed silent for a few minutes. Neither Makoto or Haru knew if they should speak up at that moment. 

So they waited until Rin decided to continue ranting. 

“What if…” Rin finally began, “I don’t know, what if she’s not actually mine? What if Ai is making it up to trap me? I mean he is desperate right now. I’ve heard stories like that all the time where people will-”

“RIN!” A very loud voice broke Rin’s sentence. It was Haru, who glared at Rin with dangerous eyes. “Are you really that stupid? Are you really doubting Ai and accusing him of trying to trap you? For what? Money? Fame? You know Ai would never do something like that. Stop being so pathetic and own up to the responsibility.”

A wide eyed Makoto stared at Haru, who might have said too much for one breath, in Haru standards. Rin was speechless. He was a mess, and Haru was right. He knew Haru was right before he attacked him like that. But Rin deserved being told off like that. That and much more. 

“I…” Rin wanted to speak. 

“Rin.” Haru lowered his voice this time. “Whatever happened that night she was conceived is both of your responsibilities. Ai didn’t want to push it onto you when he found out he was pregnant, that was obvious. But just because he kept it from you for so long does not mean he’s a bad person.”

“Haru’s right”, Makoto looked as serious. “We know it’s a big emotional mess for you right now, but you have to take responsibility as a parent should.”

Rin sat still, listening to every single word they said. He kept his head down and in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. After another silent moment, he ran a hand through his red locks. 

“Shit… I fucked up.” He croaked, sounding almost in the verge of tears. “You know why he blurted it out? It’s because he was stressed and emotionally unstable after being fired from his job.” 

Haru and Makoto looked at each other worriedly.

“He tried to explain himself, but I was in such a shock. I wanted to accuse him of lying. I also wanted to stay and listen to him and wrap my arms around him and tell him I was sorry. But I just left. I left him there sobbing”, Rin sighed. “I ran away, but I had no idea where I was running to. So after wandering around and thinking about going back to my place to try to forget everything, I ended up here.”

“You really shouldn’t have left him like that”, Makoto scolded. 

“I know! I did and I regret it, and now I don’t know how to face him. Or Ayaka.”

“You really are so stupid”, Haru chided.

“I know! I know, I know! I don’t know what to do.”

“Rin.” Haru spoke again. “Do you love him?”

“I-” Rin hesitated. “I don’t know yet. I mean I-”

“That’s Rin. Not being able to make up his mind about his feelings.” Haru teased.

“Shut up! I do- I think. Do I even deserve him after being such a dick?” 

“You have to go back to him”, Makoto advised. “He must be feeling awful. How is he going to function having just gotten fired from his job and you leaving him just like that on top of it all?”

“Ugh, I’m such a fuck up.” Rin dropped his head again and ran a hand through his hair, tightening his fist on it. 

“Ai doesn’t want to push anything on you. You know how he is. But you should take that responsibility and help him with Ayaka.” Makoto added.

“Whether or not you choose to be with him is between the two of you. But Ayaka is your daughter. Now that you know, you have every reason to help him with her. You can take as many DNA tests as you want, but you know it’s true,” Haru added. 

“We’re not saying this to be hard on you,” Makoto spoke, “but it’s obvious what’s right in this situation. Be easy on Ai. We know you’re upset about not knowing all this time, but he’s sacrificed so much for Ayaka and her happiness. Please don’t blame him” 

Rin sighed again. “You guys really act like you're my mom and dad.” He raised his head and gave a slight smile. “What would I do without you.”

“You’re the actual parent here, so you need to get going and apologize to Ai.” Haru rushed him. “You’ll love Ayaka. She’s fun, though she can get as stubborn as you.”

“She’s a lovely girl.” Rin’s smile went down a bit. “She’s my daughter… I wish I could have seen her grow.” 

“You’ll make up the lost time. It’ll be worth it; she’s got a lot of years ahead of her.” Makoto smiled.

“You’re right.” Rin stood up and looked towards the door. “I gotta get going.”

Makoto and Haru walked him to the door and waved goodbye as Rin rushed out. It was so early in the morning, and Ai was probably dead asleep after the emotional strain the night before. Rin himself didn’t get any sleep at all, now that he realized it. He decided he’d wait a couple of hours before going to Ai. He wanted to talk to him and apologize right away, but he decided he’d wait until after Ai takes Ayaka to school, when Ai would be alone. 

“Calm down, Rin. You can do this.” Rin reassured himself. He didn’t know how he’d be taken, but he was so afraid of ruining everything. He wanted to make things right. He wanted to make it up to Ai. And in the long run, he wanted to be with Ai. He wanted to wake up to him in the mornings. He wanted to come home to him. He didn’t know how it could work out at that point in time, but he couldn’t help imagining it. The current situation didn’t change that. The moment he realized Ai had a child, and thought it was with another man didn’t change the fact that he wanted to be with Ai. He just wish he could have realized it before the years they spent apart and not talking so much. He wished he could have realized how much he needed Ai to stay with him back when they hooked up. When Ayaka was conceived. 

A tear streaked down his cheek. He didn’t feel it coming in time. He was embarrassed about the fact that he was crying in such early hours as he walked the streets, but that didn’t stop the next tear. 

He knew things were forever going to be different, but he had to make things right. For Ai and their daughter, Ayaka. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally free for the summer!! (mostly)   
> I'll do my best to have this update more frequently! Please leave comments if you can, they are my driving force (^_^)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy

It wasn’t as easy as he initially convinced himself it would be. Facing people and owning up to things face to face had always been hard on Rin. But this time with Ai was even more so.

Originally his plan was to ambush him after he dropped off Ayaka at the school. But he thought about it too much, and ended up acting as the coward he is by waiting a little longer.

‘Stop this Rin! Or else you’re going to wait until it’s too late!’ Rin thought to himself as he walked towards his place, already far away from the boy he needs to apologize to. It was agonizing, not knowing exactly how he was going to go through with it. He knows Ai is forgiving, he knows he could make it up to him, and he knows they could all be okay. But Rin needed to take the first step in this in order to fix things.

It was past noon and Rin was exhausted, but he couldn’t let himself go home or rest before he talked to Ai. He didn’t go home, had not gotten any rest, and had not eaten. Hell, he was still wearing the same outfit from yesterday, probably smelling of sweat from running away the night before. He must have looked a mess, he thought as he swore people he passed by were staring at him. He didn’t even give himself the time to look in a mirror. He was a mess.

‘That’s enough.’ Rin pushed himself into turning around and heading straight towards Ai’s apartment. He was being a loser, and he couldn’t stand it any longer. He was being a coward, and it felt like he didn’t learn anything at all in his sulking high school days with the way he was behaving now. Haru’s words rang in his ears, the word “pathetic” echoing a million times.

So he ran, even with his exhaustion, he ran fast. He was far, but he would’ve hated himself had he stopped to walk instead. Eventually, he arrived at Ai’s complex and found the door. He knocked a few times, only to get no response. He knocked louder.

Just to his luck, Ai wasn’t home.

It was afternoon, but it wasn’t time to pick up Ayaka from school. Where the hell could the boy have gone. Or was he avoiding Rin? Rin didn’t give himself away when he was knocking earlier. Ai was gone, but he had to come back eventually with Ayaka. ‘I have to see him as soon as possible.’ So Rin decided to wait it out right there. Ai shouldn’t be gone for too long, right? Rin thought to himself, playing the words he wanted to say over and over in his head. He sat down in front of the door, staring at the floor and fiddling a little with his phone that was dying quickly with not much battery remaining. Not enough to try to call Ai at least. He waited, not realizing how many minutes were passing by and how heavy his eyelids were getting. It was getting dark suddenly, and he was blanking out, not able to keep consciousness much longer.

  
  


“Rin…?” A soft voice was heard before Rin busted out of his sleep state.

“Ai!” He practically yelled as he jumped up from his position. It was already dark out, not a single bit of sunlight in the sky. How late was it? How long was he passed out in front of Ai’s door? He must have looked sketchy to any passersby.

“Why are you here?” Ai spoke as a confused Ayaka watched them, holding onto her father’s hand. Ai’s look was so confused and so hurt, but it was also angry. Rin’s words he had thought forever of were instantly gone.

“I’m um…. Ai I w-wanted- Umm…”

“Rin. I’d like to get into my home.” Ai stepped forward, almost menacingly.

Rin flinched a little. Not knowing what else to do but move over. Ai unlocked the door and stepped in, pulling Ayaka along. Rin heard her mutter to Ai “Is Rin-chan not coming in?”

“Ai!” Rin didn’t think before he had his foot stuck in between the door and the frame. Ai gave him a look, and he knew Rin’s pleading look that screamed ‘I need to let some things out’. Ai knew Rin.

So Ai lowly replied to Rin. “If you want to wait out here, I’ll be out in a few minutes. I just need to have Ayaka settle and not think something’s up.”

There didn’t seem to be emotion in Ai’s reply. But Rin accepted it. He gave a quick nod, and stood outside. He tried to control his breathing - a technique he’s had to use one too many times. One Ai actually helped him with a few times back in high school.

After a few minutes, Ai was back out. His face was still. He looked like he was trying to hold a lot of strong emotions in, and it was hurting him. Rin just stood there and looked at the boy in front of him. Not making a sound.

Ai was the one that spoke first. “So what is it?” His voice slightly cracked, and Ai scolded himself in his mind for it.

“Ai...I… Where were you today?” Shit. That’s not what he wanted to say.

“What does that matter?” That’s also not what Rin expected Ai to reply. It wasn’t like him, and it kind of hurt. But he deserved it, and Ai deserved to let his feelings out that way if he needed to.

Rin didn’t reply, he was only a little stunned, and Ai just sighed. “I was out looking for a job while Ayaka was at school and at Rima-san’s.”

“All day?” ‘Stop stalling and get to the subject!’ Rin thought.

“Well, yeah. I have to get out there and work. I have to pay my bills. I have to take care of Ayaka! This is what being a parent is!” Ai was getting loud, and his voice was breaking fast. He stopped himself, afraid of neighbors coming out and complaining.

“Rin, let’s not do this here.” He sighed when he realized the place they were standing. “Follow me.”

Ai took them to a little park right behind the complex. It had a very small swing set with other small equipment, but not enough to call it a real park. “We can’t stay long though, I have to go back in and get Ayaka ready for bed. It’s already past bedtime.”

Rin realized then how late it was and how many hours he had spent waiting on the boy. He needed to do this now before he ran out of time.

“Ai.” Rin spoke, so afraid of breaking the boy even further. “I just- I’m really sorry, Ai.”

Ai looked up at Rin from having his head hanging down for the longest time. He looked like he was expecting more, but didn’t want to get his hopes up. Rin swallowed hard. Not remembering where he wanted to go from there. His eyes were open and his brows were slanted that he gave such a sad and desperate look to Ai.

“I… I…”

“Rin…” Ai spoke up very quietly and very softly, as if dealing with something fragile. Well, Rin was really fragile at the moment. “You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. I kept the truth from you, when you deserved to know since the moment I found out I was pregnant with your child. Please… I don’t want you to think I told you now because I want some kind of compensation. I was just… desperate and insensitive.”

Rin heart sank even further when he realized that those harsh thoughts that ran through his head toward the situation were something Ai worried over.

Rin still stayed quiet, throat in flames over the need to speak up but not knowing how to let his words out.

“... Please, don’t worry about anything. We can just go back to how our lives were before all of this. Or.. if it bothers you too much… you can just forget Ayaka and I even exist.” Ai looked away with tears in his eyes at that last part, not being able to handle the idea of Rin never being a part of his life again.

Rin’s heart went straight to his stomach when he heard those words and the crack in Ai’s voice. “It’s…” It was hardly a sound, and whether or not there was anything that was supposed to come after that, Rin didn't even know.

“I should head back in, I don’t want to delay Ayaka’s bedtime any longer.” Ai began to move from his spot near the swingset, taking a few steps.

Rin’s chest was burning as he saw Ai’s back and counted the steps he had taken away from Rin. Was that really it? Was that really all Rin could do? He couldn’t fix anything. And now Ai was walking away from him. _Ai is walking away, and this could possibly be the last interaction I’ll ever have with him._

That thought pained Rin. And at that moment, he ran to the boy who had his back turned to him. Rin wrapped his arms at Ai’s waist from behind, and whispered, “please, no…”

He held on tightly, fingers almost digging into Ai’s flesh in a desperate grasp, though not enough to hurt. Rin was crying into Ai’s shoulder, and Ai had some streams running down his cheeks now. “R-Rin… please, t-tell me what you want…” Ai pleaded.

“I want-” Rin’s voice was light and fragile. “I want to become a family.”

Rin heard Ai gasp. The boy’s eyes had gone wide, completely unexpecting the response.

“I want to be with you and Ayaka. I want to help you raise her.” Rin was sobbing into Ai’s shoulder. Ai place his hands on top of Rin’s and continued to listen.

“I’m so sorry for not being there. I’m sorry for not contacting you. I’m sorry for not appreciating you as I should have. I’m sorry for being so irresponsible.”

“Rin…”

“And if you’ll allow me, I’d like to make it up to you. I want to. I want to help you so you won’t have to suffer alone. I want to be a father to Ayaka like I should be. I want to be by your side as she grows.”

This was really not going the way Rin had imagine it from hours before. He especially did not expect to be sobbing like a baby in a little park at night. But he had to make things right no matter what, even though it was a pretty embarrassing situation.

“Ai, I promise I will do whatever I can to help you and make sure Ayaka grows up healthy and happy. I promise I will support you and do anything to make your life a little easier. You deserve so _so_ much, and I want to make an effort to give you all of that.” Rin grasped onto Ai. And at every word, Ai grasped Rin’s hands tighter.

When Ai loosened his grip, Rin allowed it. Ai turned around and faced Rin, and Rin’s hands didn’t leave the thin waist. Ai’s cheeks were wet, and his eyes were red and puffy, though it was hard to see with the dim lighting outside.

“Rin…” He spoke. His stomach was filled with butterflies and anxiety. “Please… tell me you really mean that.”

“Of course I mean it!”

“I don’t want to force you to help me…”

“You’re not forcing me into anything. I _want_ to help. I _want_ to be with you.” Rin was feeling much more sure of himself.

With that, Ai shoved his face in Rin’s chest and tightly gripped his shirt. Rin brought himself even closer, and hugged Ai from the front this time, now laying his head on the shorter boy’s.

“If you would accept someone as stupid as me.” Rin sighed into Ai’s hair. Ai came back up giggling, tears still in his eyes and Rin’s shirt now a damp mess.

“Don’t say that.” He half smiled. “You look like a mess.” He giggled even harder.

“Hey! That’s so rude.” He fake pouted and Ai smiled even brighter. Rin brought up his hand and held Ai’s face, only to poke into his cheek with his thumb. “So do you!”

He held his hand there and wiped some of the still wet tears on Ai’s face. Their faces were going red, and Ai wasn’t sure what to do but hold his gaze to Rin’s face.

“I need to go tend to Ayaka…” Ai finally turned away.

“Wait, Ai.” Rin held the small hand in his. “Can I… go with you?”

“Sure.” Ai smiled sweetly.

They started walking, Rin not letting go of Ai’s hand. “Can I help you tuck her in?”

“Of course. Y-you don’t have to ask you know, you’ve done it plenty of times before.”

“Yeah but… this would be the first time we can do it as her parents.”

Those words made Ai feel giddy; he never thought he would ever hear something like that. Was this really real? Was he living in a fantasy again? He squeezed Rin’s hand, wanting to make sure it was really Rin he was holding onto. That it was Rin he was leading back to his apartment as Ayaka’s father.

“And, after that. You need to get some sleep. You really do look a mess,” Ai teased as he was unlocking his front door.

“You have no idea… I haven’t been home since the day before yesterday and all I was doing today was wandering around like a drunken idiot, harassing Makoto and Haru, and passing out outside your door. I’m thankful no one mugged me at least.”

They stepped into the house, and Ayaka was already asleep on the bed, though still in her day clothes.

“Ayaka… sweetie.” He lightly shook her. “We have to get you changed for bed, okay?”

“Mmm…” Came quite a cranky but soft voice. Ai picked her up and she squeezed her arms tightly around his neck; perfectly content with sleeping in her father's arms all night like that if she could.

Rin noticed how tender Ai was with her. He was so sweet with her and it warmed Rin’s still fragile heart. Ayaka cooperated without much complaint other than from being woken up from her slumber. Her chubby arms held onto Ai as she stepped into her clothes. Ai gave her kisses all over her face, which in turn made her giggle even in her sleepy state. Ai let her hair loose from a very small ponytail atop her head. He brushed through her hair a few times. Then he picked her back up - she still held on tightly - and laid her back on their shared bed. They were lost in their own world. They were everything to each other. It made Rin feel insecure about how he was going to join them and whether or not he could mean as much to them as they mean to each other.

One thing Rin was sure of now, however, was that he was in love.

Ai gestured for Rin to come over, so the man nervously did. Ai lightly kissed Ayaka on her forehead. She held up her head only slightly and puckered her lips. Ai smiled and held his cheek in the right spot for her to quickly lean forward and kiss. “Goodnight, daddy” She said sleepily.

Rin continued to watch them and their loving interaction. He kept staring at Ai, mostly.

Yup. He was in love.

“Do you want to say goodnight to Rin too?” Ai said softly, though it made Rin _really_ nervous all of a sudden.

“Goodnight, Rin!” She answered quickly and puckered her lips again. Rin melted at how cute the gesture was. Ai moved out of the way, and Rin copied Ai’s previous action and leaned forward to catch the light kiss with his cheek. She had given him loving gestures like kissing his cheeks in the past but this time felt so different to Rin. It was his daughter. She was his daughter back then too, of course. But now knowing that all this time this was the adorable child he helped create, it was so much more emotional to him. He wanted to cry again, but before any tears could come, Ai lightly touched his back.

“Let’s get cleaned up.”

They were exhausted, so they quickly washed their faces and Ai changed his clothes. He gave Rin and oversized shirt he owned to change into. Rin told him he didn’t mind sleeping on the couch and that Ai should get a good night’s sleep with Ayaka.

Ai tightly hugged Rin, and gave a quick peck of his lips to Rin’s cheek before running off to his room, not giving Rin any time to return the gesture. Rin sank into the couch. He didn’t think he could actually fall asleep then with so many thoughts running through his mind. A big one being how they were going to reintroduce Rin to Ayaka as her father. He decided it had to be dealt with soon as the exhaustion overcame him and he finally drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave any critiques or comments! I can't believe I started this a year ago oh my god I'm so thankful to those of you that have been reading this since the beginning and also those of you who recently discovered this!! The rintori is still strong (/^▽^)/


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drama

There was a ray of light streaming into the small living room of the apartment. Rin wakes up, feeling a bit of a strain in his neck that hopefully won’t be a problem with his training later. Which reminded him; he had missed it the day before. But he thinks he had a pretty solid excuse. One he was not so sure he’d even be able to explain. 

Rin almost couldn’t remember where he was. It was a strange couple of days. But he didn’t feel the heaviness in his chest as much as the day before. He felt light, and kind of wonderful. It was a weird sensation. He felt butterflies, suddenly out of both bashfulness and embarrassment. 

He checked the time. Too early. He didn’t expect to be up at his normal hour, with everything that happened the past two days. But there he was, wide awake now. He wanted to run into the bedroom and excitedly wake up Ai and their… daughter. 

_ Our daughter,  _ Rin thought. It was amazing. It was unbelievable. It was a  _ child _ created by the two of them. 

_ Oh god. _ He thought again.  _ What do I know about raising a child? I’ve done nothing all this time! Crap, I even said before I could never imagine having a child! But I didn’t know! Things are different now! Where do I start _

A soft ‘ding’ sound alerted him out of his running thoughts. He checked his phone. It was a message from Makoto. ‘How did it go?’ Rin wasn’t sure how to reply. He checked the time again. It was about half an hour before Ai had to be up; he remembered from staying over previous nights. 

That was when he decided he would get up, walk to the small kitchen, and prepare a breakfast for his new family. 

_ My family.  _ Rin’s stomach flipped. He needed to calm down already. 

He hadn’t really cooked on his own in a long time. He learned some from his mom. He picked some things up from Ai. But he never actually did it on his own. And to be perfectly honest, it was only enjoyable doing it with other people. He could imagine - has imagined - living with Ai and preparing a dinner together. They’d act silly in the kitchen. Sing duets, because Ai had a talent for singing as he learned early on in high school, toss food at each other, because they were children at heart, come up with new recipes, because what’s the point of sticking to a list all the time.  Even before he knew the truth about Ayaka being his daughter, she was a part of the picture. Because since he came back to Japan, no matter how or where he imagined Ai, Ayaka was there. And now Rin could also be a part of that. A part of them all together. 

Rin snapped himself out of these thoughts the second time that morning. He needed to get the food ready. But there he was, a wandering smile on his face and embarrassing himself. 

 

Ai slept through his first alarm. Of course, being the responsible and paranoid parent that he is, his second and third alarm finally got him up. When he stepped out to the kitchen and living room, afraid of not having time to make food and get Ayaka ready, he smelled freshly made omelets. There was Rin, in his boxers and Ai’s shirt, over the stove with a spatula in hand. Ai either wanted to cry in happiness or tackle Rin and makeout with him in giddiness, possibly leading to a horny mess. But, it was early and Ayaka also had to get up. So the former was the best option.

“Rin!” Ai didn’t actually cry with tears, but he was close to it. He just exclaimed in joy. 

“Yo, you hungry?”

“Gosh, Rin. You didn’t have to do this-”

“It’s cool, I wanted to. You’ll like these, omelets are one of my specialties.” 

Ai bit his lip. He really wanted to find out what Rin’s other ‘specialties’ were. 

“Mm, let me go get Ayaka.”

Rin smiled and finished making the last one before Ai came back out with a groggy Ayaka. 

She lightened up when she saw the food. 

“Yummy!” She exclaimed with her arms thrown up. 

Rin watched Ai help her with her portion. It was so cute, the way he’d catch food fast enough before it hit the table or the ground. The way Ayaka was an excited eater. The way he would wipe her mouth after every few bites.

“I'm surprised she’s not a picky eater” Rin commented. “I remember Gou used to hate things like omelets because of all the ingredients and greens in it.”

“No, Ayaka isn’t picky. At least not yet. She’s good at eating everything, right Ayaka?”

“Yes!” She spit out a bit of the egg. 

“But she is really messy!” He jokingly grumbled at Ayaka, to which she gave a big laugh and an insincere ‘sorry’. 

Rin kept staring at them. He knew that no matter what, watching their interactions always made him fall deeper and deeper in love.

“So… what are you doing today?” Rin spoke up. 

To this Ai frowned a little. “Job searching again.” He slowly fed himself another bite.

Rin nodded. He didn’t know how to bring it up, but given everything that happened, he really wanted Ai to rest for the day. He knew it wouldn’t be easy to convince him, but Rin could give Ai the financial support he needed. 

Ai sighed. “How about you?”

“Training later.” Rin was going to get an earful. He already qualified for the Olympics and he needed to be top notch and ready. But he couldn’t really keep his mind on that at the time. 

“How did it go yesterday?” 

Ai frowned again, deeper this time. Rin wanted to speak up. He didn’t really know his place yet, however. 

“I’m sorry” Rin didn’t know what else to say. 

“No, you have no reason to apologize. It’s just stressful, but I’ll find something. Whatever I can get.”

Rin didn’t like that attitude, and it made him feel a bit stressed as well. He didn’t want to see Ai suffer any more. 

Ai noticed Ayaka getting a bit gloomy with the atmosphere. “We’ll talk about it later. Ayaka! Let’s go get you changed!” He put on a much happier tone at that. 

Rin cleaned everything up and joined the two on their walk to Ayaka’s preschool. 

“Well, I’m off to find something hopefully” Ai tried to lighten up, but that look in his eyes pleaded for help. He began to walk off to the direction of the train station. 

“Wait, Ai!” Rin called back to him, to which Ai turned around and gave a questioning look. 

Rin caught up to him, but he didn’t know exactly what to say. Instead he reached for Ai’s hand and pulled said boy a bit closer. Ai followed the lead, and placed his lips upon Rin’s. 

“Good luck.” Is all Rin had to say at the moment. 

He knew he couldn’t hold someone as determined as Ai back. 

There’s still so much to say. Rin decided it’d have to wait for later. 

  
  


No luck. He tried so hard, but nothing was turning up right. He had a lot of work experience, but he knew there was so much holding him back he could not change. 

It was time he went to pick up Ayaka. He felt so drained and exhausted. He wanted to call Rin, and have him over after he was done, but he didn’t want to take the other’s time. 

Even after the events of the day before, he still wasn’t sure how things were going to turn out. He didn’t know exactly how Rin would be involved in this new life. Rin still had to focus on his career, that needed to be his top priority. Ai has been taking care of Ayaka just fine, right? He doesn’t need all that much more. Once he gets a job, it would be all fine. This will pass. 

“Will Rin come again today?!”

Ai chuckled. “I don’t know, maybe? Do you want to see him again?”

“Yeah!” She exclaimed, “he’s so fun! Why doesn’t he live with us?”

“You want us to live with him?”

“Yeah! In that big house he has! The one where I can run around and sleep on that big bed!” Ai could imagine it. Rin’s current apartment was really impressive, especially compared to that tiny run-down one Ai’s renting. But he shouldn’t be thinking about that kind of thing. Isn’t it too soon? Didn’t they just get together. Or well, at least that’s kind of how Ai saw it. They never really said they would be a thing. Ai is just assuming. How would he know if Rin actually wanted to be in an official relationship?

Ai sighed. “His apartment is really nice. And his bed is so soft, it’s like sleeping on a cloud! I wish I could afford a mattress like that…” Ai was mostly talking to himself by now. He imagined living in such a place. With Ayaka. With Rin. Altogether. But even so, he was still unsure.  

  
  


When Rin came over that night, he was very hopeful for Ai. But he knew the answer right when he saw the look in Ai’s eyes when he opened the door to the little run-down apartment. 

“It’s okay”, Ai began after Rin felt obligated to ask how the job search went, “I’ll find something eventually.” He gave a long yawn, even though it was still early into the night and they had just finished up dinner. 

“Ai, let me… help you.” Rin spoke up. 

“I don’t know if getting an Olympic swimmer’s reference would mean much for a simple waitering job, or even a retail one.” Ai joked. 

Rin sighed. “No, Ai, I mean… Let me help you with money. Don’t stress yourself out so much! I get good pay.” 

Ai got serious. “I can’t accept that, Rin. I need to make money on my own for our sake.”

“But what’s the harm in just accepting money from me?”

“I just… I can’t do that. I can’t take money from someone over my responsibility. I’ve been doing fine on my own. I’m just in a rough patch right now.” 

“Ai… It can’t be that easy. You gave up school and your career because of OUR mistake. You had to use up your surgery funds-”

“Please, Rin. Don’t feel obligated to help in that way.”

Rin looked down. He knew Ai very well. He knew he wouldn't accept the proposal.

“Just drop it.” Ai whispered. 

Rin knew he would come off as feeling as if he owes Ai something for those years he wasn’t with them. He really does feel like he owes them; but more than anything, he wants to help them. He wants to help them live comfortably. He wants to help them live happily. He’s really not sure how to do that, but he’ll figure it out. 

“Hey...Ai.” Rin spoke up again after a long silence. “Tell you what. You need a break at least. The last few days have been terribly overwhelming. We should do something! Maybe take Ayaka out? Like to a theme park?”

Rin gave him a cute begging look, which made Ai smile a bit. “Mm, I don’t know. I can’t afford to take a day off like that before finding something.”

“Please, Ai. If you won’t accept my money than at least accept this gift. We can go out this Saturday, and I’m sure Ayaka’s never been to such a place. She would love it. You both deserve some fun quality time.”

Rin held out his hand and took Ai’s in it from across the table. “Do it for her. And for me. I want you to have some fun!” He gave Ai another pouty look, and he just couldn’t resist. 

“Alright, alright. I think Sunday would be fine.” Ai giggled. 

Rin brought in his fist in a little cheerful ‘yes’ gesture. He got up from the table, taking their dinner plates and quickly kissing Ai on the head as he went to wash up. 

  
  


Rin was nervous. Really nervous. He didn’t think he would be this much of a mess all the time but he was wrong. This is the first time out with Ai and Ayaka as family. He wanted to be a good dad. He wanted Ai to see that he could make them happy and bring smiles to their faces. 

“You’re okay, Rin” He spoke to himself in the bathroom mirror. “They’re going to have a good time and Ayaka will get tons of prizes because I’m going to be that cool dad and Ai is going to be so impressed-”

“Rin! Just wanted to let you know that the cab is here!” Ai spoke through the door. 

“Alright, I’ll be right out.” Rin replied, not sure if he wanted to go out just yet. 

Ayaka rushed to him as he got out of the bathroom and jumped upward. She was in a fit of giggles when he caught her and held her up with his hip. 

“Ayaka, we haven’t even left yet and you’re so full of energy.” Rin chuckled.

“She’s been excited the moment I told her this morning. I would have told her last night but she would have been impossible to put to sleep.” Ai smiled. 

Rin returned a smile, seeing how adorable the boy was with his pastel pink shirt and dark shorts. He slung a cute pastel blue backpack over his shoulder carrying the necessary supplies for the day. 

“Well, then. Let’s get going.”  Rin hope he didn’t sound as nervous as he was.

The ride to the amusement park wasn’t very long. Rin was glad because the anticipation of starting the day was killing him. 

“Wow!” Once they entered the park, Ayaka was thrilled. It was all so new and lovely. Rin didn’t know what to do first. Although he had been to parks in the past, he wasn’t the biggest fan of returning to them too often. So it had been quite some time since he went to one. 

“What do you want to do first, Ai?” Rin quickly asked Ai. 

“Why don't we let Ayaka choose.” Ai crouched down to her eye level. “What looks fun, sweetie?”

“Hmm…” She thought before pointing to a nearby rocket swing ride.

“She’s adventurous isn’t she?” Rin smirked and led them to the attraction. 

Rin hadn’t been on a kiddie ride since he himself was a kid. He got in with both Ai and Ayaka and helped them strap in before himself. 

Rin knew the ride would be pretty slow and not too exciting, but once it has really started up, he heard a loud cry right next to him. 

Poor Ayaka had no idea what she was in for. The girl was in tears of fear and the unknown. Ai quickly wrapped an arm around her and tried to assure her that it’d be over soon. Rin just watched in awe, not even knowing how to respond. It was such an unexpected reaction.

“Shh, shh, Ayaka, it’s okay. It wasn’t so bad, see?” They had gotten off the ride right when it was over and now Ai had sat her against his hip, continuing to comfort her in her worry. “I’m sorry, we should have gone on the smallest ride and worked our way up.” 

She continued to cry out and Rin felt like he had really done something wrong. 

“A-Ayaka…” His nerves flared up again and the first solution that came to mind was the nearest food stand. After quickly purchasing some ice cream he ran back and waved it in front of Ayaka. 

“How about something sweet, Ayaka?” She brought her hands away from her face and stared at the cone he held, now silently reaching out for it. 

“Rin! It’s too early for ice cream, what are you doing!” Rin was taken back by surprise and by reflex, pulled the ice cream back towards him, to which Ayaka let out another cry. 

“Now she’s more upset! What do I do?!” Rin was freaked out at this point. 

Ai brought her to a bench and sat her down on his lap. “Well, you already bought the ice cream, and if it’ll help I guess it’s the best option now.” He reached for the ice cream and offered it to Ayaka, to which she happily took. 

“Ayaka, are you feeling better?” She slowly nodded while licking at her ice cream. “Did you like the ride?” She shook her head. “Do you want to go on something else?” She shook her head. 

Rin was really hit with anxiety. He ruined everything. 

“Then how about some games? Maybe Rin here can win you a stuffed animal! Would you like that?” He spoke softly while wiping her mouth with a napkin. 

“Yeah!” She finally smiled. 

After she finished her ice cream they went to the games center, where she was in awe of all the prizes hanging on each booth. She point to the largest stuffed animal - these enormous great white sharks - and Ai knew those would be a waste of time and money to try to win at those carnival-type games. 

“Let’s go win it then!” Rin exclaimed to add to her enthusiasm. 

“Wait! Why don’t we try something smaller. A-and easier. Like these little stuffed bears over here…”

“Nah, those are almost too easy, Ai. We should get her the absolute best no matter what.”

“Well…” 

Rin and Ayaka were already on their way toward the big booth with a ring toss game. Ai didn’t have a good feeling about this. 

Of course he was right as Rin spent money on every ring he tried. Even getting the ‘Bucket of Rings!’ deal didn’t help to get him the big shark. The more he lost the game, the more Ayaka wouldn’t settle on the smaller plushies he was at least able to win. 

“R-Rin, that’s enough. Look! You got us three frogs, a cat, a penguin and this duck plush! They’re so cute and Ayaka will love them just as much!” 

“But I want the shark!” She exclaimed. 

“I can do this, don’t worry!” Rin claimed as her threw a couple more failing rings.

“Stop spending so much money on this game. It was fun at first but now you’re going overboard!” Ai was getting angry at this point. Rin looked at him and stood up. 

“Okay, let’s try out a different game, then?”

“But the shark!” 

“Ayaka, that shark is impossible to win, we just can’t do it. But you got all these other cute animals!” He held up the bag of plushies Rin was still able to get from his endless tries at the game. Still, she looked upset and on the verge of tears.

“Ayaka, please don’t be upset. We want to have fun today, right? The shark is not the only cool thing here”

Ai was trying to comfort her the second time that day, and Rin felt at fault again as Ayaka was clearly building up tears.  

“Don’t cry, sweetie. We can be happy with these small plushies. You can sleep with them in bed without kicking daddy off because of a great big shark! You don’t want me to sleep on the floor, do you?”

She giggled, forgetting about the one little tear rolling down her cheek. “No! I don’t want you to sleep on the floor!”

“Then we can both cuddle all these plushies! Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Yes!” 

Ai smiled and took the duck plushie out, handing it to her. She happily took it and hugged it tightly against her. 

“How are you so perfect…” Rin mumbled. A deep blush started to form on his when Ai looked up at him in question. Rin had no idea if he heard that or not. 

“I’m sorry you spent so much money on that game.” Ai stood up and apologized.

“Nah, don’t worry. I did get carried away.” Rin looked in the other direction out of embarrassment. “I was trying to be a good parent.”

“That’s sweet, but you don’t want to spoil her. That’s not good for children.” 

“Uh, yeah.” Rin had no clue what he was doing. Now he felt like he was being scolded. 

After the first ride experience, they tried taking Ayaka to the smallest of rides; those more suitable for her.

It wasn’t until lunch time that she started being a little cranky from hunger that they decided to sit down and eat. Ai had brought everyone lunch he made that morning. It was a simple bento with nothing too special - especially since Ai hadn’t gone to the grocery store recently. He knew what he brought would do. 

Unfortunately for him, Ayaka wasn’t feeling too fond of the food. 

“Ayaka, don’t be so picky, it’s all I brought!” Ai pleaded with her. 

“But I don’t want that!”

“It’s okay, Ai. I can buy her some food. What do you want, Ayaka?”

“No, you don’t have t-”

“Pizza!” Ayaka nearly screamed. 

“Wait, Rin! You don’t have to spend your money more than you have. Our lunch now should be fine.”

“A pizza won’t hurt anybody.” As a parent, Ai did not like that response. He picked up his containers and stood up facing Rin, holding Ayaka’s hand. 

“You don’t want to spoil her though! And she already got ice cream earlier.” Ai said in a calm voice.

“I know, Ai, but I want to treat her to some. I want her to have a good time.” Rin lowered his voice into almost a hush. “I want to be a good father to her, when I might not see her again for a while pretty soon.”

Ai stared at him for a moment. Something in his stomach turned, and he didn’t feel as good as he had in the morning. He felt a little weak. 

“Rin… you don’t have to give her absolutely everything she wants to be a good father. You have to know what’s best for her before she can decide that for herself.” He looked into Rin’s eyes. “You have to let her know that you love her. And that even though you’re not there next to her, she can trust you and love you as much as you do her. You have to remember to reassure her and talk to her and give her advice and tell her you’ll see her soon.” Ai felt tears come to his eyes. 

“You have to let her know that she can depend on you and that you miss her with all your heart, as she will miss you. You have to tell her how much she means to you. You have to…” A tear rolled down his face, and he pathetically looked down and used the sleeve of his cardigan to wipe it away. “I’m sorry, Rin. I don’t know what got over me. I don’t mean to cry like this… After all, it’s not your fault you haven’t been a part of her life…”

“Daddy…?” Ayaka worried over seeing her father in such a state. 

He sniffed and looked back up “I’m sorry…”

Rin just stared at him, taking all of his words in, but not fast enough to give a response. Ai looked hurt and ready to burst again while anxiously waiting for some kind of answer from Rin. 

Rin reached out, and tenderly hugged the smaller boy. Ai lightly squeezed Ayaka’s little hand in his. Rin stepped back a little, hands still resting on Ai’s shoulders. 

“Ai…”  Rin rushed them over to a nearby bench, luckily it was empty.

“I’m so sorry”

“No, Ai, don’t apologize. I may not really know anything now, but I want to learn. I want to learn for her. And I want to learn for you.” Rin leaned in and kissed a tear on Ai’s cheek. He knew people around him were walking by with questioning stares, but he didn’t care. He wanted to resolve the matter. And even though he wasn’t usually good with them, his words were all that would help the situation. 

Ai continued to let some tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away this time. 

Rin looked at him with a worried gaze. “This is about you too, isn’t it?” He almost whispered.

The question caught Ai off guard. He realized he really wasn’t giving Rin enough credit. 

“Rin… You… You hardly spoke to me. For so long I was anxious about what you thought about me. I didn’t think you cared, and that that one night we were together, you just wanted to let loose. That it could have been with anyone. I just…” He let a soft wail out, his voice cracked with a high pitch when he tried to speak. “We didn’t talk. And when I had Ayaka, I was even more anxious. I just wish I knew whether or not you cared about me. I wish I had the courage to reach out to you properly. I was- I don’t know… I was afraid.”

Rin felt his words. He was choking back his own tears without realizing it. He had been for a while now. But when Ai finished, he silently let a single tear out. 

Ayaka herself was already on verge of tears as well. Seeing Ai like that must have hurt her. Who knows how many times Ai had held back in front of her. And now she didn’t know how to handle seeing him all broken like that. She silently held onto her father, head resting against his shoulder. “Don’t cry, daddy.” She whispered a few times. 

“Ai…” Rin gulped down a sob. “I’m not the best at keeping relationships. I’m not the best at letting people know how much they mean to me. But please believe me when I tell you that you have meant so much to me throughout these years we’ve known each other. I’m sorry I led you on back then. I’m sorry I didn’t keep in contact like I should have.”

Rin took a deep breath before continuing. “More than anything, right now I want to be a good father and be by your side. I want to be with you Ai, I… I love you. I love you so much.”

Suddenly Ai lets put a big sob he seemed to be holding back while he was listening to the other’s words. He brought his head down to Rin’s shoulder, still holding onto Ayaka in his arms.

“Ai! I’m sorry, did I not say the right thing? I-”

“No! Rin! I just… I didn’t expect to hear that. I-” He sat up straight again and looked into Rin’s watery eyes. “I’m so happy!”

“Ai…”

“Do you mean that?”

“Yes! I mean everything I said. I want to be with you. I love you. I love Ayaka. I want to be a good father, a good lover, a good person… just like you.” Rin touched his forehead to Ai’s. Ai was red from more than just sobbing like a baby a minute ago. “Can I kiss you?”

Ai swallowed down that lump of anxiety in his throat and chuckled. “You don’t wan’na kiss me when I’m a gross mess like this.”

“Of course I do” Rin leaned in and pressed his lips to Ai’s, tasting the salty tears and mucus that had streaked down onto them. 

“As tasty as ever.” Rin smiled as he pulled away.

“Gross, don’t say that!” Ai laughed as Rin pulled out some napkins from their lunch to help Ai wipe his face. 

Rin laughed along while he pinched a napkin onto Ai’s nose, making him blow into it like he would a little kid. 

“Hey, Ai, I know you don’t want to accept it but… let me help you. With money and stuff.”

“But, Rin I- I don’t know-”

“I’m not saying you don’t have to work anymore or worry about anything. You just don’t have to stress yourself as much as you have these past years. I  _ want  _ to help you. If not for yourself, let me help for Ayaka.”

Rin made sure to look into Ai’s eyes and show him how sincere he is. 

“Okay, Rin. But please, don’t go overboard.” Ai smiled. “Like with your obsessive game playing earlier.”

Rin chuckled. “It really was too much, wasn’t it?” He leaned in to kiss the top of Ai’s head. 

AI gave a small sigh. “Gosh I really am a disgusting mess right now.” He sighed, patting Ayaka in the back. She had already fallen asleep from the emotional fatigue over her father. “Maybe we should go home and clean ourselves up.” 

“I don’t want to end it so soon.” Rin sounded a little depressed.

“Me neither.” Ai looked around the park with a little worried expression. “But honestly it would be slightly embarrassing to stay.” He looked over at a small family that was still glancing at them.

“Well I guess we put on a bit of a show.” Rin also looked around, only now feeling a little embarrassed. 

“Hey! How about we go clean ourselves here real quick, and we head off to the ice rink?”

“Oh gosh, I haven’t ice skated since that one time the team went in high school. I fell on my butt a thousand times!”

Rin giggled, remembering the fond memory and how good he was at actually skating around. And how not good Ai was. “Well let’s make it a thousand and a couple more. You mentioned it a while ago that it would be something fun to do. We can teach Ayaka.”

Ai slightly blushed at the thought of him and Rin ice skating in circles and both holding Ayaka by the hand on each side, like a cute little family.

“Let’s go then.”

  
  


It was practically out of season, but the year-round ice rink still had quite a few people at that time of day. Ai got nervous about how much of a fool he would look like trying to stay upright in those shoes. 

Before they approach the counter to trade-in shoes, Ai stopped Rin for a minute.

“Rin, I want you to take Ayaka in.”

“Just her? Don’t you want to go in and skate too?”

“I’m no good at it though. But that’s not why I’m saying this. I want you to teach her, on your own. I want you to hold onto her and show her how fun it can be. It’s be much more harder with me in there clinging onto you too.” Ai smiled. 

Rin felt those nerves rise again. It felt like a test Ai was pushing onto him. He knew that wasn’t the case; Ai wanted them to spend time together and learn to depend on each other as a father and daughter should. 

“I’ll grab a table by the food stand and watch you guys, okay?” Wow, it really felt like a test if Ai was going to be watching him the whole time. 

Rin agreed, and an excited Ayaka held on to Rin for dear life for quite some time. Occasionally falling. By the second half of their time, however, Rin practically had Ayaka dancing around and having the time of her life. He held onto both her hands as he skated backwards, pulling a giggling Ayaka along who would not let go of her new father’s hands. 

Ai watched them with eyes full of love, admiration, and even lust. He knew Rin would be a good father for her. Even if he wouldn’t be able to be around physically all the time, he knew that Rin would love and cherish her in his special way. 

He loved the way Rin looked, and the way he smiled at their daughter. He couldn’t help but bite his lip as he stared at Rin’s new “sexy dad” look. As if he could get any hotter.

When their time was up, Rin carried out a giggly Ayaka, who had much more energy than ever because of that nap she had taken on Ai earlier. 

By the time they got to Rin’s apartment, however, she was fast asleep. Way too exhausted from the day to wake her up anytime soon. 

Ai put her on Rin’s bed; making sure to let loose the ponytails he had made earlier that morning. 

Rin stood at the door, lovingly watching Ai tuck her in once again.

“What are your plans for telling her about me?” Rin spoke after Ai approached him. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s waist, bringing him close. 

“Honestly, I haven’t thought of one just yet. I don’t want to make it a huge deal but I also don’t want to make it seem like something light and unimportant.” 

Rin kissed his cheek. “We’ll think of something. Soon, hopefully.” Rin kissed his other cheek. 

“Yeah” Ai set his hands on Rin’s arms and leaned in for a light peck on the lips. Rin deepened it immediately. 

“Rin! We’re still in the room!” Ai scolded.

“I have another room, you know. It’s got its own bathroom too, so we can wash up without sneaking around.”

“Pervert! What are you thinking?!” Ai’s face got red immediately, from either embarrassment or excitement.

“I’m thinking about that box of condoms I have specifically kept with me at all times the past couple of weeks.” 

Ai got even redder, if that was possible. It was definitely from excitement. 

Rin didn’t even care about how bold he was being. He wanted to use up the rest of Ai’s free time that day in the best way possible. 

Ai decided to make the first move. He grabbed Rin’s hand and led him to the other room, making sure to shut the door to the room Ayaka was sleeping in very quietly. 

He pushed Rin onto the smaller bed of the second room, and immediately straddled him. 

“Whoa, looks like someone’s worked up.”

“You started it! You were planning for this!” Ai teased and kissed at Rin’s neck. Sucking at it in order to leave a noticeable mark. He ground his hips against Rin’s growing erection. He really loved this horny side of Ai. 

“Hey, Ai…” Rin spoke up after a soft moan caused by Ai’s sucking. “What was your response?” 

Ai pulled his lips away from Rin’s collar area and looked at him confused. “Huh?”

“I mean… when I told you I love you earlier.” Rin paused. “Do you… you know… back?

Ai stared at him, somewhat dumbfounded, before he let out a loud but adorable giggle. 

“Rin! Of course I love you back! What else did you think?” Ai happily kissed along Rin’s jaw.

“Well, it’s just... I had to make sure.” 

Ai immediately took Rin’s lips with his own, giving a deep and loving kiss. He understood needing to hear certain things out of insecurity, and he was happy Rin could be honest with him. 

Though at the moment, all that was really running through his mind was the large hand gently sliding down towards Ai’s shorts. Rin was working the buttons loose, and the next thing Ai felt was the blissful sensation of those long, rough fingers tenderly stroking his pussy lips.

Although they hadn’t had sex since that night years ago, they loved to work extra hard on the foreplay. Making the night feel much longer as they gave themselves to each other physically and emotionally. 

Of course, they used every means of protections that they could think of. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know I said I would update over the summer but That Depression(TM) hit me hard and I spent way too long trying to get this chapter together. Plus I have no one to beta any of them so I'm just hoping it came out okay.  
> I was going to make this the last chapter but I think there's going to be one more just to finish things off nicely, like an epilogue. Anyway, thank you for bearing with me!  
> Please let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is honestly the very first piece of writing I have ever done for fun, and I haven't had much practice. So I hope this isn't as tacky as I think it is. I'd appreciate any comments or tips on writing!


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